Women, etc.

[{ScarFace}]

^^ Agreed, although I do find myself making a conscious effort not to bring every date around to sex by the end of the night. It's hard but it pays off.
I'd hate to have the girl I like thinking that I'm only with her for sex.

 

[flamshmizer]

In the past 77 has posted a bunch of stuff i disagree with. Even the way he handled the debarkle with girl A and her boyfriend I don't agree with, but this stuff he posted 2-3 pages back is gold! Absoltely hilarious and a lot closer to the truth then anyone here would probably care to own up to.

here's what you do: start the "have you ever hooked up with a chick" conversation, and irrelevant of the answer suggest the other girl to each of them.

once that seed is planted, give it a week or two to grow into whatever it's going to grow into and then get them both out a couple weeks later, get 'em smashed & see where it leads.

even if it fails, it will make each of them supremely jealous of the other so it'll become a competition to see who can out-slut the other (as girls know no other way of getting a guys attention other than sexual arousal and let's be honest, there really isn't one), with you the one who can't lose.

"girls are highly irrational confusing nutcases". aint that the understatement of all time.

when does that ever happen

buddy of mine had a pretty good one on his girlfriend of several years recently. she (and several of her in-relationship friends) joined a facebook group called "i hate call of duty" and proceeded to bang on about how "it was stealing all our boyfriends attention".

a simple "perhaps if you were more interesting (put out more) we would pay more attention to you" resulted in his ass being silent treated so bad it made her finding his porn stash look like christmas...

i meanwhile had a good ol' chuckle to myself.

Hahahahaha!

I really hate to admit it but S. and 77 are right in their cheating assessment. S. describes its very scientifically and cold so it doesn't sound bad, but of course its terrible for the unknowing party involved. But the only reason you would cheat on someone is if the person you are with is not what you are looking for, or you have found someone better.

You could try and say "Well I've been in this relationship forever and I needed a change, but I still wanted partner A" but in that case partner A was obviously not fulfilling some expectation you have for that relationship. Any rationale you can express for cheating could be brought down the the lowest common denominator, that there is a better alternative to partner A. Therefor, one needs to keep themselves as attractive and desirable as possible in order to maintain a partner. This is where communication becomes an important factor in a relationship, being able to ask and discuss the problems in order to overcome them.

Anyone who says sex isn't an integral part of a relationship is still at the stage of the relationship where when either party gets an appetite, dinner is served so to speak. If you come to the stage in the relationship where 1 party is willing but the other is not for weeks on end, you come to see how important sex really is. Tension increases, you find yourself perpetually perturbed at your partner (i should write rhymes), and the ammount of effort you are willing to put into the relationship dwindles. I can't remember what its from, some teen movie or such, but the quote is along the lines of "Sex isn't everything, unless you aren't getting any, in which case its the only thing."

 

[indica]

perpetually perturbed at your partner

perpetually perturbed and perplexed at you partner's procrastination perhaps?

But really... sex not being important?
May as well just hang out with friends then, is cheaper in the long run... because eventually along comes someone who ignites the libido, then bye bye... off to seventyseven land.

 

[Cypher]

Why do you need to cheat? At all? If your current partner is not offering you all you need then there are two options:

1. Have a conversation about it. Talk like respectful adults. Sit down and say "I'm not getting enough of sex/attention/fun - can we talk about it seriously?". There may be some reason why you are not getting enough (in your mind) sex/attention/fun. The other partner may have had no idea that you were unhappy (esp if you have never said anything before), sex may be painful, you might not be good at it (this is what I originally thought the "Call of Duty" post was about), your libido levels are mismatched. Why do girls hate Call of Duty? Because the guy disappears into the game and pays no attention, but a lot of guys miss the warning cues and continue to play obsessively. Why don't you get enough sex? It is a good question to ask. Are you willing/brave enough to listen to the answer?

Would you be willing to negotiate in good faith?

I have to say it is virtually impossible to find a partner who is simultaneously a) your best friend and b) has the same libido as you. Your going to have to come to an agreement or you are going to just keep on breaking up.

Sadly, also, for most people your libido decreases with time. It really does become less of an issue. It is still important, but not as important. Most people don't break up over sex - it's other things like the friendliness/respect in the relationship - or later on money.

2. Instead of cheating you can just break up and then go on the hunt. It is a lot cleaner, and the hurt of betrayal is less. At least everyone knows where they stand in the relationship.

 

[flamshmizer]

Why do you need to cheat? At all? If your current partner is not offering you all you need then there are two options:

1. Have a conversation about it. Talk like respectful adults. Sit down and say "I'm not getting enough of sex/attention/fun - can we talk about it seriously?". There may be some reason why you are not getting enough (in your mind) sex/attention/fun. The other partner may have had no idea that you were unhappy (esp if you have never said anything before), sex may be painful, you might not be good at it (this is what I originally thought the "Call of Duty" post was about), your libido levels are mismatched. Why do girls hate Call of Duty? Because the guy disappears into the game and pays no attention, but a lot of guys miss the warning cues and continue to play obsessively. Why don't you get enough sex? It is a good question to ask. Are you willing/brave enough to listen to the answer?

Would you be willing to negotiate in good faith?

I have to say it is virtually impossible to find a partner who is simultaneously a) your best friend and b) has the same libido as you. Your going to have to come to an agreement or you are going to just keep on breaking up.

Sadly, also, for most people your libido decreases with time. It really does become less of an issue. It is still important, but not as important. Most people don't break up over sex - it's other things like the friendliness/respect in the relationship - or later on money.

2. Instead of cheating you can just break up and then go on the hunt. It is a lot cleaner, and the hurt of betrayal is less. At least everyone knows where they stand in the relationship.

I completely agree. I in no way condone cheating and I certainly like to think I have enough guts to end something when the time comes around. But its an important thing to understand that there is almost always a reason behind it. A gutless reason, but a reason no less.

I also oversimplified. It was not quite as clear cut as one party willing and the other not. A little more too it that I'd rather not go into on the interwebs. But I'd agree that if everything else was fine and coitus was not quite working then the relationship would most likely find a way around it.

perpetually perturbed and perplexed at you partner's procrastination perhaps

Periodically pondering the probable ways to pontificate and replicate the reprocussions of these discussions to redefine why we try to slave over babes. Perhaps.

 

[indica]

Periodically pondering the probable ways to pontificate and replicate the reprocussions of these discussions to redefine why we try to slave over babes. Perhaps.

bahahhaaa... sounds like Flight of the Conchords - Hiphopopotamus vs. Rymenoceros

 

[seventyseven]

Back on topic, if sex was the be all end all of relationships then relationships wouldn't exist.

oh please. anyone in a relationship gets TEN times as much action as ANYONE that doesn't, short of pornstars and hookers.

i've known dozens of relationships over my time that were clearly only kept going by the sex. many times it was outright told to me. "fuck she's annoying, i'd dump her tomorrow if the sex wasn't so good" sound familiar?

in short, the lovey dovey/kids/marriage/companionship/etc stuff is NOT the only reason to have, start or continue a relationship. anyone that thinks that sex isn't often first priority is an absolute retard.

 

[Red Rocket]

Could you elaborate on that?

Shit this thread progresses quickly.

I just think it's hard to make a blanket statement that someone cheats on someone because they're not happy. Humans are incomprehensibly greedy, and I've cheated on a long term girlfriend three months into a relationship that went on to last many moons. I never told her about it, and she never found out, and we both ended up making each other extremely happy for almost two years afterwards, until we fell apart for totally unrelated reasons. I mean sure, if someone's cheated on you more than once, then it's probably a sign that you're not providing them with what they want (not that that in anyway makes it your fault) but when alcohol is involved, mistakes are made, and sometimes you just have to deal with it. Whether or not you tell the person and deal with it in the relationship, or do what I did and attempt to rationalize it and cover it up is your choice and a topic that can be debated ad nauseum.

Years ago when I was travelling around Europe, I was pretty involved with a slender blonde that macked onto a guy on my birthday. It almost destroyed me, and these days I'd move on straight away, but back then when I was naive enough to think any amount of heartache was worth it for a bit of skirt, I stuck with it. Lasted more or less functionally until I came home six months later. Drunken smooches can be totally meaningless. If you accidentally get your end in with someone that isn't your significant other, then it's a whole other rollercoaster, but I think as a once off it can be equally meaningless. Of course when you're the one that's been screwed over so completely, I can imagine it would be very difficult to have that perspective.

I used to tell my most recent ex that if she ever got retardedly drunk and accidentally kissed a fellow and she felt it genuinely didn't mean anything and wasn't on-going, to never tell me. Not sure if it ever did or didn't happen, but if it did, then I didn't have to deal with it. She was mature enough to know whether or not she did the right thing, and I always trusted that guilt would eventually get the better of her if something major did happen. Then again, I managed to forget about being a prick, soooo....

 

[Red Rocket]

Anyone that thinks that sex isn't often first priority is an absolute retard.

Quoted for truth. I think sex is pretty much the reason we do most things, whether or not you're ready to consciously admit it.

Anyone who says sex isn't an integral part of a relationship is still at the stage of the relationship where when either party gets an appetite, dinner is served so to speak. If you come to the stage in the relationship where 1 party is willing but the other is not for weeks on end, you come to see how important sex really is. Tension increases, you find yourself perpetually perturbed at your partner (i should write rhymes), and the ammount of effort you are willing to put into the relationship dwindles.

Backtracking reveals this gem. Sex never seems like a huge deal until it stops happening naturally. The most successful relationships I've been in have had no libido discrepancies. Maybe other people can deal with relying on a steady supply of self-administered hand-shandies, but I've always felt it incredibly difficult to get motivated to care about someone's needs when it seems they don't care about mine.

 

[JaRedy]

i've known dozens of relationships over my time that were clearly only kept going by the sex. many times it was outright told to me. "fuck she's annoying, i'd dump her tomorrow if the sex wasn't so good" sound familiar?

Who would want a relationship like that? Sure some people might, but it sounds pretty crap to me.

Urgh now im turning into the person with the one liner retaliations. I gotta take some leave.

 

[l +Jarrod+ l]

Balance, is the key. Bit of sexy time, bit of fun time, bit of adventure time and throw in some romance and its all gooood! Going without sex for a week or two is a good thing believe me. I find it gets you interacting with your partner in a more "raw" kinda way. If you love your partner sex is a peice of that love that has to happen everynow and then at least to confirm that love as a whole feeling, among other thinks like favours for each other etc. You cant tell me that sex is all just simply pleasure, i guess it is if its for one night bye bye never see you again, but it can be so much more if you truly care about the person.

 

[mtb1611]

The most successful relationships I've been in have had no libido discrepancies. ........... but I've always felt it incredibly difficult to get motivated to care about someone's needs when it seems they don't care about mine.

This is an intriguing statement. Firstly, if your "equal libido" relationships were so successful, why did they end? Secondly, would you care to elaborate on the final sentence? I've a sneaking suspicion that clarification of the final sentence may well lead to contradiction of the first....

 

[Ultra Lord]

Sex is like breathing....... u dont miss it untill u stop doing it

Im one of those people whov kept relationships going solely for sex....... having do deal with someone's crap to get your end wet = better than not getting any.

 

[g-fish]

I miss the good old days (pre a few days ago). New topic anyone? Would nice to get back to the proper diccussions.

Gladly,

Me and my gf have been going out for almost 2 and 1/2 years. Currently we're in the middle of our hsc with 4 or so months to go. And i tell you what, it's fucking difficult. We both are hoping to do quite well, we go to the same school (reasonably pricey private school). So the emphasis is definately on working hard. Before this year she hadn't been a stress head, ever.

She's had it pretty rough earlier in her life.. her parents broke up quite messily, she hasn't spoken to her dad for a long time. And sometimes she breaks down/can't really deal with everything, and im the first there for her. Though my year at school are fairly tight knit, it's all getting a bit aggresive.. and because she's pushing those top few ranks she's copping it a bit. So that add's to it all, and again im there for her.

We're best friends first and formost, and have been so for about four years.

But as a result of all this, the relationship part of this is getting a bit difficult.. for both of us. We've talked about it, created a 'gameplan' but its still hard. I see her all day five days a week and all i see is this sad, stressed, negative side of her. When the weekend comes around I'd rather go for a ride and unwind. I still love her IMMENSELY. And when i do see her outside of school it's tonnes of fun (my 18th birthday just passed and it was fantastic!). But our time is limited during the week is limited and it's getting a bit rough because of it. We both plan to stick it out till the end of the year, but thats not really good is it?. Until then, does anyone have any suggestions?

For the record, we don't have that much sex (simply because we don't have our own place to do it). But when we do its great, but our relationship certainly isn't built on sex.

I realise that by comparison to some of the drama/actual difficulty people face in this thread, its pretty minor. But whatever, its a place to vent.

 

[Red Rocket]

This is an intriguing statement. Firstly, if your "equal libido" relationships were so successful, why did they end? Secondly, would you care to elaborate on the final sentence? I've a sneaking suspicion that clarification of the final sentence may well lead to contradiction of the first....

Location, mostly. Perth and Brisbane are a very long way away, especially when one of you has to stay in Europe for another 6 months. But further than that, just because I said libido is extremely important doesn't mean that it'll necessarily be the determining factor in a relationship.

Not too sure what you mean by clarification? I was a dickhead and messed around with another girl one night because I'd been on the sauce. I was actually really in love with my partner at the time, I just got greedy and silly. I felt like an immoral prick about it for a while, and then I sort of rationalized it (poorly) and forgot about it. My point was that it was plausible my then girlfriend may have made the same mistake and neglected to tell me.

 

[S.]

Shit this thread progresses quickly.

I just think it's hard to make a blanket statement that someone cheats on someone because they're not happy. Humans are incomprehensibly greedy, and I've cheated on a long term girlfriend three months into a relationship that went on to last many moons. I never told her about it, and she never found out, and we both ended up making each other extremely happy for almost two years afterwards, until we fell apart for totally unrelated reasons. I mean sure, if someone's cheated on you more than once, then it's probably a sign that you're not providing them with what they want (not that that in anyway makes it your fault) but when alcohol is involved, mistakes are made, and sometimes you just have to deal with it. Whether or not you tell the person and deal with it in the relationship, or do what I did and attempt to rationalize it and cover it up is your choice and a topic that can be debated ad nauseum.

Years ago when I was travelling around Europe, I was pretty involved with a slender blonde that macked onto a guy on my birthday. It almost destroyed me, and these days I'd move on straight away, but back then when I was naive enough to think any amount of heartache was worth it for a bit of skirt, I stuck with it. Lasted more or less functionally until I came home six months later. Drunken smooches can be totally meaningless. If you accidentally get your end in with someone that isn't your significant other, then it's a whole other rollercoaster, but I think as a once off it can be equally meaningless. Of course when you're the one that's been screwed over so completely, I can imagine it would be very difficult to have that perspective.

I used to tell my most recent ex that if she ever got retardedly drunk and accidentally kissed a fellow and she felt it genuinely didn't mean anything and wasn't on-going, to never tell me. Not sure if it ever did or didn't happen, but if it did, then I didn't have to deal with it. She was mature enough to know whether or not she did the right thing, and I always trusted that guilt would eventually get the better of her if something major did happen. Then again, I managed to forget about being a prick, soooo....

I see where you're coming from, but I'm not saying people are necessarily UNHAPPY in a relationship where they're cheating (and even then, blind drunk incidents are a bit of a grey area I suppose since you're not really in your right mind anyway), but they are obviously and by default looking for more than their current partner gives them. People who are serial cheaters IMO are people who want the freedom of being single but are too weak to actually do it because they're afraid of what they might miss out on in the meantime. A lot of people IMO cheat because they've settled for less than they really want, and don't want to be lonely for god knows how long until they find the partner they really want to stick with. I suppose it sounds a bit harsh/judgmental but I think being honest with oneself is important, even if it means turning down a relationship til you find what you're really looking for.

oh please. anyone in a relationship gets TEN times as much action as ANYONE that doesn't, short of pornstars and hookers.

i've known dozens of relationships over my time that were clearly only kept going by the sex. many times it was outright told to me. "fuck she's annoying, i'd dump her tomorrow if the sex wasn't so good" sound familiar?

in short, the lovey dovey/kids/marriage/companionship/etc stuff is NOT the only reason to have, start or continue a relationship. anyone that thinks that sex isn't often first priority is an absolute retard.

You want a word of advice? Too bad, you're gonna get it anyway: the reason people in this thread (and others) take issue with the stuff you post isn't the content, it's the condescending attitude. Take it from someone who has spent FAR too much of his life being a condescending dick to far too many people - it gets you nowhere. If you come off as a prick, people will pick on what you say regardless of whether it makes sense or not. You make a lot of good points, but you don't make them in a very conversationally acceptable way, and as a result you just end up arguing with absolutely everyone. Chill out a bit, put your points forwards, and leave the condescension to the experts

 

[seventyseven]

You want a word of advice? Too bad, you're gonna get it anyway: the reason people in this thread (and others) take issue with the stuff you post isn't the content, it's the condescending attitude. Take it from someone who has spent FAR too much of his life being a condescending dick to far too many people - it gets you nowhere. If you come off as a prick, people will pick on what you say regardless of whether it makes sense or not. You make a lot of good points, but you don't make them in a very conversationally acceptable way, and as a result you just end up arguing with absolutely everyone. Chill out a bit, put your points forwards, and leave the condescension to the experts

alright first, very clever. 10/10.


however, you make the presumption that i'm looking to get along with everyone. if you're the sort of person to say something i CAN make a condescending (but correct) statement in response to then i'm not all that interested in getting along with you. i care almost nothing for how nice someone is and almost entirely for whether they are intelligent or not.

the earlier stuff on the other hand was purely retaliation in the same tone as what was done to me. i didn't start the condescension and sanctimonious bullshit (sanctimonious speeches are bad enough on their own but they're just insufferable when the person giving them is wrong), merely retaliated with it.

 

[g-fish]

alright first, very clever. 10/10.


however, you make the presumption that i'm looking to get along with everyone.

Ban 'im I say!
Seriously

 

[S.]

alright first, very clever. 10/10.


however, you make the presumption that i'm looking to get along with everyone. if you're the sort of person to say something i CAN make a condescending (but correct) statement in response to then i'm not all that interested in getting along with you. i care almost nothing for how nice someone is and almost entirely for whether they are intelligent or not.

the earlier stuff on the other hand was purely retaliation in the same tone as what was done to me. i didn't start the condescension and sanctimonious bullshit (sanctimonious speeches are bad enough on their own but they're just insufferable when the person giving them is wrong), merely retaliated with it.

I can (and all too often do) make condescending and correct statements to everyone, does that mean I shouldn't get along with anyone? Come on man, drop the "intellectually superior" shit. I'm not saying you're out to impress anyone, but why would you bother trying to antagonise the general population for no real reason? Whether you're "right" really doesn't matter that much to most people, so why even bother trying to shove it down their throats? Do you even know what rhetorical means?!

 

[seventyseven]

(and even then, blind drunk incidents are a bit of a grey area I suppose since you're not really in your right mind anyway),

on the topic of alcohol: the reason so much stuff is done whilst intoxicated IMO is because all of a sudden if you're drunk it's permissible.

if for example, a girl wants to go out and just get fucked 6 ways to sunday, she doesn't just go out sober and find the first dick to bounce on. she gets herself absolutely shitfaced first and then does it.

why?

because if people don't approve, she can blame the alcohol. if she goes out sober and someone goes "hurr durr you slut" then she's got nothing to fall back on.

however, if she's shitfaced she has one of two possible outcomes: either A: nobody cares, and she has a great time and there are no repercussions other than a hangover. or B: someone does care, and calls her out for it. immediately, she can say she's not responsible or it wasn't "her" actions - it was the alcohols. either way, no repercussions.

i knew several girls back in the day that used to write themselves off every weekend on a regular basis and do the dance with no pants with some random bloke they'd just met. eventually, after they realised that they weren't being called whores by the group they hung out with (who they made the mistake of thinking were somehow respectable people) they've several years later now moved to barely getting a drink in before hooking up with the bloke. hell one in particular i know went out with the group, some new guy came along (who was a mate of mine) and he got as far as the label on his bottle of corona before she'd took him home to have her way with him.


now this isn't a rag on girls at all, though it may seem it. here's why:

guys do this too, but we don't have the stigma/judgement attached.

if a guy says "yeah man i picked her up, we chatted and i bullshitted like you wouldn't believe and then took her home and slayed her" nobody seems to think any less of him for doing it. in other words there is no need for him to get smashed in order to get away with it - he just can. as for why is a totally different argument.

this may go some way to explaining why female binge drinkers significantly outnumber male, and girls aged 18-25 are the largest group of binge drinkers in the country.


i bet if the ability to blame the alcohol for behavior was removed, a lot less people would drink. alcohol is merely a tool used by people to get away with stuff they want to do sober but can't.