You know you're getting old when ...

Stredda

Stredda

Runs naked through virgin scrub
DougalStrachan said:
That should raise some red flags for them mate. Can't walk and high falls risk....... No doubt they are sending a sexy nurse as we type to give you a sponge bath, and the obligatory tradie to install a 5k handrail to your front-door that they'll subcontract to their nephew
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Yeah, I'm farked :p
 
pink poodle

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
DougalStrachan said:
No doubt they are sending a sexy nurse as we type to give you a sponge bath
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I spent a week in hospital pretty fucked up from a crash a long ways back. Lots of dirt and sweat sp they wanted me to have a shower...I was not confident I could pull that off (broken collar bone, hefty concussion, battered all over, and full of the drugs) and asked what sort of assistance I could get? They sent one my "uncles" (you know the ultra close family friends) from my childhood who worked there as an orderly. "I can't remember the last time I gave you a bath poodle..." well he wheeled me to the shower and waited patiently outside but did offer to help of I needed it, which I took up when it came time for towelling down. That was not an easy job with only 1 arm and all the fur.
 
rockmoose

rockmoose

his flabber is totally gastered
pink poodle said:
I spent a week in hospital pretty fucked up from a crash a long ways back. Lots of dirt and sweat sp they wanted me to have a shower...I was not confident I could pull that off (broken collar bone, hefty concussion, battered all over, and full of the drugs) and asked what sort of assistance I could get? They sent one my "uncles" (you know the ultra close family friends) from my childhood who worked there as an orderly. "I can't remember the last time I gave you a bath poodle..." well he wheeled me to the shower and waited patiently outside but did offer to help of I needed it, which I took up when it came time for towelling down. That was not an easy job with only 1 arm and all the fur.
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Did he do the old 'say uncle', nipple cripple?
 
rowdyflat

rowdyflat

chez le médecin
pink poodle said:
I spent a week in hospital pretty fucked up from a crash a long ways back. Lots of dirt and sweat sp they wanted me to have a shower...I was not confident I could pull that off (broken collar bone, hefty concussion, battered all over, and full of the drugs) and asked what sort of assistance I could get? They sent one my "uncles" (you know the ultra close family friends) from my childhood who worked there as an orderly. "I can't remember the last time I gave you a bath poodle..." well he wheeled me to the shower and waited patiently outside but did offer to help of I needed it, which I took up when it came time for towelling down. That was not an easy job with only 1 arm and all the fur.
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I got a nice nurse to hold the hose and then she put in a suppository because I hadnt been for 2 weeks.
she was a bit rough with the suppository, so I said I can manage next time.
 
ozzybmx

ozzybmx

taking a shit with my boobs out
Got some stuff to do down in the garage, down to the garage, upstairs again to grab a key, down the the garage, spots 2 pairs of white runners in the laundry that need to go through the washing machine, been sitting there for a couple of weeks... where's the shoe washing bags. Went upstairs to the back atrium where stuff gets dried, nothing there, back down, looks some more then grabs 2 x TLD helmet bags with the draw cord and the mesh panel on one side, they will do rightly. Where has 1 of the pair of the shoes gone ? Actually the ones I could do with (clean)

Searched everywhere up and down for 1.5 hours, FMD its not a big house and its pretty open plan, HTF did I lose a pair of white shoes when the most I would have done is set them down on something while I looked for these bags. Even searched the outside bins as I had the garage door open, knowing I hadn't even been out near them. Making me feel like I'm losing my shit :(
 
Stredda

Stredda

Runs naked through virgin scrub
ozzybmx said:
Got some stuff to do down in the garage, down to the garage, upstairs again to grab a key, down the the garage, spots 2 pairs of white runners in the laundry that need to go through the washing machine, been sitting there for a couple of weeks... where's the shoe washing bags. Went upstairs to the back atrium where stuff gets dried, nothing there, back down, looks some more then grabs 2 x TLD helmet bags with the draw cord and the mesh panel on one side, they will do rightly. Where has 1 of the pair of the shoes gone ? Actually the ones I could do with (clean)

Searched everywhere up and down for 1.5 hours, FMD its not a big house and its pretty open plan, HTF did I lose a pair of white shoes when the most I would have done is set them down on something while I looked for these bags. Even searched the outside bins as I had the garage door open, knowing I hadn't even been out near them. Making me feel like I'm losing my shit :(
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I have trouble just finding something I put down 5min ago. :p
 
Ackland

Ackland

chats d'élevage
ozzybmx said:
Got some stuff to do down in the garage, down to the garage, upstairs again to grab a key, down the the garage, spots 2 pairs of white runners in the laundry that need to go through the washing machine, been sitting there for a couple of weeks... where's the shoe washing bags. Went upstairs to the back atrium where stuff gets dried, nothing there, back down, looks some more then grabs 2 x TLD helmet bags with the draw cord and the mesh panel on one side, they will do rightly. Where has 1 of the pair of the shoes gone ? Actually the ones I could do with (clean)

Searched everywhere up and down for 1.5 hours, FMD its not a big house and its pretty open plan, HTF did I lose a pair of white shoes when the most I would have done is set them down on something while I looked for these bags. Even searched the outside bins as I had the garage door open, knowing I hadn't even been out near them. Making me feel like I'm losing my shit :(
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Please tell me you were wearing them
 
Stredda

Stredda

Runs naked through virgin scrub
ozzybmx said:
Afraid not. Still walking around here pretending to not look for them, will wait till the troops get home and announce my brain fade, then tell them to keep an eye out. Cant be far FFS.
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Ask your wife.......

you'll know what then happens ;)
 
Dales Cannon

Dales Cannon

lightbrain about 4pm
Staff member
As a corollary to the above I managed to screw my lower back today. Removing a big tree stump and trunk. Probably did the nasty when I struggled fitting the box blade to the tractor and exacerbated the injury using the chainsaw to cut the thing into manageable chunks. Worst back injury I have had I think. Walking was a non starter after lying on the bed and the 10 or so steps to the ensuite generated so much pain I contemplated just pissing myself. In good news the 16" blade on the electric husky will slice through 24" of dead black wattle. Less good news was the remedy offered by @Minlak who suggested a good dollop of deep heat inserted digitally into the anus. No doubt would take the mind off the pain.

Managed to snag a physio appointment tomorrow assuming I can walk the 35m from the bedroom to the car and climb in and then out t'other end.
 
Ultra Lord

Ultra Lord

Hurts. Requires Money. And is nerdy.
Dales Cannon said:
As a corollary to the above I managed to screw my lower back today. Removing a big tree stump and trunk. Probably did the nasty when I struggled fitting the box blade to the tractor and exacerbated the injury using the chainsaw to cut the thing into manageable chunks. Worst back injury I have had I think. Walking was a non starter after lying on the bed and the 10 or so steps to the ensuite generated so much pain I contemplated just pissing myself. In good news the 16" blade on the electric husky will slice through 24" of dead black wattle. Less good news was the remedy offered by @Minlak who suggested a good dollop of deep heat inserted digitally into the anus. No doubt would take the mind off the pain.

Managed to snag a physio appointment tomorrow assuming I can walk the 35m from the bedroom to the car and climb in and then out t'other end.
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Can confirm copping a handfull on deep heat to the ol sphincter and scrote post hot shower is absofuckinlutely the worst pain I’ve been in and totally made me forget about the popped L5/S1.



I’m no longer with the perpetrator of that act. Was not sad to see her leave.
 
pink poodle

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
Ultra Lord said:
Can confirm copping a handfull on deep heat to the ol sphincter and scrote post hot shower is absofuckinlutely the worst pain I’ve been in and totally made me forget about the popped L5/S1.



I’m no longer with the perpetrator of that act. Was not sad to see her leave.
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That's a low down dirty move.
 
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