I make a nice lemon meringue pie, even make the pastry (Y)
Lemon Meringue Pie should NEVER, EVER be made with pastry. A crushed biscuit base is really what you want. And the lemon filling should be creamy, made with condensed milk - not a real fruity 'sorbet' kind of filling 
For this little story, just keep in mind LMP is my favourite dessert. Ever......
Was invited to dinner at the neighbours place a couple of weeks back, and after somewhat awkwardly sifting through the main meal of Pad Thai and eating only the chicken (Really not a fan of asian/stir-fry type meals) it was announced that dessert would be Lemon Meringue Pie.
So out comes this massive, and I mean
massive Lemon Meringue Pie. There are 5 of us at the table, and at this stage, everything is looking good, right up until my neighbour splits the
whole pie into 5 pieces.
The slice of pie is lifted out of the dessert dish, and onto my plate, and to my horror, it has a pastry base - What kind of satanic-worshipping person would do this!? So everyone begins eating their slice (which has so much freaking meringue on top that it sits about 15cm above table level) and I resentfully lift a piece of my slice to my mouth. The pastry dries my mouth out so quick I can only hoarsely reply to the host's question of 'how is it?', before waiting for the cool, creamy filling to replenish the moisture within my mouth - however, the fruity, non-condensed milk filling ensures that this does
not happen - and I have to regretfully swallow before drinking a mouthful of water. I've survived the first bite.
Now it should be noted that my neighbour has just become a registered nurse......I continue to plow my way through, bite after bite of this abomination of the culinary world, until eventually the richness of the pie starts to overwhelm me. I'm look down at what's left, and reassure myself - 'no worries! I once ate a number Anzac biscuits, coated in tomato sauce & mustard, with bits of jalapenos & olives scattered throughout - this'll be easy!'
It is at this particular moment that my neighbour begins discussing the many 'unusual & particularly distasteful' things she has seen in the many hospital wards she has visited while on her way to becoming a nurse. With just over a third of my slice left my hopes of finishing this meal incident free are beginning to fade.....quickly. With the thought of various impalements, infections & things going septic still vivid in my mind, I had reached the final piece of pie, when I felt a discreet, yet significant disturbance from within. I contemplated passing the last piece to any willing family member either side of me, but persevered.
My stomach made one final grunt as I lifted the spoon to my mouth, as if it were a last warning sign - as sign that I could still back down & not be considered any less of a man......The thought slipped from my mind as my parched tongue came into contact with the still-flour-coated pastry base, which proceeded to scrape away any last remaining fluid from the interior of my mouth. I swallowed..........
Never in my life have I come so close to vomiting at the dining room table.
Never, Ever, Make Lemon Meringue Pie with Pastry. Please.
