Quotes From some old guy at work.. (Warning: fiction drug references and swearing)

[Carlin]

Not mine

Here is one from an old job. I was a deckhand on the some of the charter ferries in Sydney, and one of the skippers would tell this story whenever he had the chance.

He was making (ie coming alongside) a wharf in a rather large ferry, when a smaller boat got in the way. They had words and the bloke in the little boat said: "I won't be very long". The ferry skipper replied: "If you don't move you won't be very wide either".

 

[dunndog]

If he fell into a bucket full of arse holes he'd come up with a cunt in his hand - very lucky guy

 

[hdtvkss]

"im gonna head off like Cobain...."

 

[dh damo]

"hi. you suck"
"your mums so stupid she thinks she braught you off ebay"

-----------------------------
Dust, A bike, Weres the rider?????, "dont worry, he can fly"..*superman no-hander no-lander*= "i think i went and stacked myself retarded"

Sorry but there just really bad. I love pinned---> one.

 

[GravityGuru]

About as useful as a cock flavoured lollypop

 

[lawno]

about as useful as a condom with a hole in it

 

[Jay_Patriot]

"shit man, it was so good i just about had a poogasm" ~ John at work after an epic shit.

 

[james_lambie1]

"flash as a rat with a gold tooth"

 

[Vicious_Fishes]

"shit man, it was so good i just about had a poogasm" ~ John at work after an epic shit.

win.

ten f**king characters, can't this thing be disabled or something ?

 

[toodles]

I work with heaps of tradies, ex-military guys and general louts... some of their sayings -

"As full as a coon's Valiant"
"Useless as tits on a bull"
"Completely undefuckable"

There's heaps more... like hundreds. One particular one is my fav but it really shouldn't be posted here as it makes the rest sound like fairy tales.

 

[Cam2533]

To quote Jeremy Clarkson...
"Children come out of the womb faster than that!" - Slow driving.

 

[donthucktoflat]

you're about as helpful as a hernia - useless f*ck

tighter than a nun's nasty - stingy motherf*cker

get a dog up ya - get a dog up ya (if you need me to explain.. then get a dog up ya)

she has the mental capacity of a doorknob with down syndrome..

right, someone get me some rope and a beartrap - a mate planning to have a big night at the pub

 

[Staunch]

To quote Jeremy Clarkson...
"Children come out of the womb faster than that!" - Slow driving.

Or "You just might get killed to death"

Got a new one

"Rare as an STP" - heard that at the skatepark or jumppark....I forget which one

 

[GOD12A]

I used to play professional paintball and this was said at an "interstate pre tournament drinking shindig":
"...im gonna a$$ fu(k you in the face!!"

Hahahaaa
For the tournament most of my team had it scribbled on our hoppers (thing on top that feeds the balls into gun) and got a few weird looks from the refs checking our guns etc... Maybe you just had to be there...

Mark

 

[enjoi]

From a skydive instructer walking past a student doing practice deployments on the ground.

"Fuckkkkk that was low"

 

[Cedel]

"Working harder than a one armed bricklayer in Baghdad."

 

[do-a-flip]

"Working harder than a one armed bricklayer in Baghdad."

already been posted twice mate.

theres heaps of these in the movie the worlds fastest indian. great film.

 

[Mattydv]

The Cloak

"Freakin mormons with their freakin dress shirts and ties and secret underwear and always ringing my doorbell at dinner time when i'm trying to eat my...
...delicious crab meat."

"Hey ah would you happen to have like a fork or something that I could buy, ah, um, I have a can of spaghetti but nothing to eat it with, maybe a fork, or um... a spoon, ooh if you have a spork!"

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=JepOL9EMDqU

 

[muly]

"smooth as Madonna's ass"

 

[thundergoose]

"it couldnt even pull grandma off grandpa"-no power