Jokes Thread.

[nick_dales]

a person of Aboriginal descent, may be offended by the joke i made earlier, but it was optional to view the answer.
and i am sure a person who has lost someone close to them in the holocaust would be offended at quite a high level, compared to a person of aboriginal descent who reads a silly cultural joke, which by reading the question, is going to be a silly result, made up by adolescents.

just an example to help you open your eyes to the jokes floating within this thread, which come flying in with much higher levels of racism/badmouthing religions etc. the post made by myself earlier, was not half as bad as some jokes in the thread.
P.S the joke about the sheep is still racist and may just offend some kiwis. just because it may be a casualty of the ol' NZ joke, does not particularly give it the all clear. try sitting and thinking, before coming up with a stupid witty response to revert any replies.

I'm sorry for bringing this up again, but your stupidity is outstanding. Do you know anyone who is of Aboriginal descent? Or do you just have the examples set out by the stereotypes, that have been created, and you continue in?

Also My Grandfather died in the Holocaust.
He Fell from the Guard Tower. (Yes i know it's been done before)

 

[smitty_jr]

Fixed for you.

gold...

About a Certain president..
Two of bill's sperm were racing toward the cervix and the first one said, "how far till we hit the fallopian tubes?"
the other replied, " it cant be too long, we've only just passed the tonsils."

also.

Wally walks into a television store and asks, "do you sell any color televisions?"
the sales assistant replies, "yes, we have a wide range of them."
Wally replies, "great ill take the green one."

 

[smitty_jr]

I'm sorry for bringing this up again, but your stupidity is outstanding. Do you know anyone who is of Aboriginal descent? Or do you just have the examples set out by the stereotypes, that have been created, and you continue in?

Also My Grandfather died in the Holocaust.
He Fell from the Guard Tower. (Yes i know it's been done before)

thats public education for ya.
4 years of garbology (history) does it to ya.

 

[PINT of Stella. mate!]

POSM - those arguments are bogus and you know it!

At the end of the day, a joke is a joke. If someone can't take a joke, it's all on them. Racism = double standards.

Yeah but if i talk loudly enough then they become fact!

Basically there's a big fine line on here and some of the funniest jokes are the ones that veer pretty damn close and maybe even stick a tippy-toe over the other side. If you cross the line though you get shouted at and whilst there may be other debatable jokes out there that have gotten away with it, it's no use using them as an excuse. It's more or less the same as getting put in front of the judge for touching kids and trying to use the fact that Michael Jackson got away with it, in your defence.

I half agree with the double standards argument but we all know that if we had a blanket amnesty on racist and really offensive jokes we'd be up to our eyeballs in aborigine tramps and dead babies.

 

[Graunched]

Couldnt resist.

Why does New Zealand have some of the fastest race horses in the world?

Because the horses have seen what they do with their sheep..


Why don't Kiwi's take their girl friends to the cricket?

They are scared they will eat the grass.


What is the definition of virgin wool in New Zealand?

The sheep that can run the fastest.


A Kiwi walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says:
"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies:
"I think you'll find that's not a pig but a sheep, you idiot."

The man says: " Shut up, I wasn't talking to you."


NZ Earthquake
A major earthquake, measuring 9.1 on the Richter scale has hit New Zealand this morning. The country is devastated with 350,000 New Zealanders missing, and over 100,000 injured.
The country is totally ruined and the government is so overwhelmed that it has issued a worldwide appeal for assistance. Other nations have been quick to respond to the disaster.
Britain is flying in rescue workers and sniffer dogs to help locate trapped victims.
The USA is flying in food supplies and aid money.
France is flying in doctors, nurses and first aid units.
Japan is flying in high tech communications equipment.
Germany is flying in special trained police squads to help restore order.
Russia is flying in tents and warm clothing.
Australia is flying in 350,000 replacement Kiwis.......


Prime Munister Helen Clark's husband was jogging near his home in Auckland.
Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow. "Two hundred and fifty dollars!" she'd shout from the curb. "No! Five dollars!" He would fire back, just to shut her up.
This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence. He'd run by and she'd yell, "Two hundred and Fifty dollars!" He'd yell back, "Five dollars!"
One day, Helen decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog. As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Dr. Davis realised she'd bark her $250 offer and Helen would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He figured he'd better have a darn good explanation for the 'Boss'.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure enough, there was the hooker. He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.
Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled, "See what you get for five bucks, you tight bastard?!"

 

[slip]

Graunched - that last one was a bit funny.

POSM - How about some oil rig etc jokes?

 

[Spike-X]

this joke is also much more offending, as people on here have relatives, and/or close friends who may have died in the holocaust. how do you think they feel?

So it's ok to tell Aboriginal jokes because (you assume) we don't have any Aboriginal posters here?

I just ran the one you quoted past a Jewish friend (Internet friend, but this guy is the Jewiest Jew I know). He didn't have a problem with it.* He also brought up the important point that it's the intent behind a joke, as much as anything else, that determines the offensiveness of the joke.

To illustrate that point; I've yet to hear a joke about Aboriginal people that wasn't intended to reinforce some kind of negative stereotype about them. There's nothing funny, in my mind, about putting down people who, for the last two hundred years, have been ground into the dirt over and over again by 'my people'.




In fact, he gave me this one in return - "How many Jews can fit in a Volkswagon Beetle?

Oh that's easy... 2 in the back, 2 in the front, and six million in the ashtray."

 

[mad_mike51]

I'm of aboriginal decent, now I didn't see the joke but if it had anything to do with breaking into a house or sniffing petrol, IT IS NOT FUNNY! You are not the first to say these things and although I had a polite laugh at these the first 100 times I read/herd them, I am extreamly sick of stereotypical jokes, mainly because there are so many of these jokes going around a lot of kids growing up actually believe 99% of aboriginals are like this, and it creates a extremely negative connotation towords us. Now I have not experienced this first hand because my aboriginal genes are almost completely gone after only 3 generations so I don't even look remotely indigenous, but I do see it happen with my mates attitudes towards them, ie. why should they got our help it's their fault they ruined their own lives. Where it is still near impossible for a full aboriginal living in a remote location to make something of themselves because their is little or no support. So what do they do? They do exactly what a lot of white people do when they have no income, turn to the bottle. That is why society sucks.

/rant

 

[wtr]

Now now, we are all from one ethnicity or another, why bitter over pity comments when this thread was intended for a bit of afterwork laughter?

I drive trucks for a living, and an asian truckie to be exact. And if I just hear another joke about asians can't drive....


...actually, "most" Asian drivers can't/don't follow road rules, regardless of language difficulites. Buy a full license whilst oversea in their home country, then come over and convert it over, and BAM!- you get the sort of road etiquettes seen around Boxhill/Springvale/Richmond/Footscray/City/Sydney. Yes, I am enforcing a stereotype, because I have acquaintances/workers just like that. This sort of behaviour is common knowledge amongst the asian communities, which is why I strongly believe that more stringent driver testing in Australia should be enforced.

 

[smitty_jr]

So it's ok to tell Aboriginal jokes because (you assume) we don't have any Aboriginal posters here?

I just ran the one you quoted past a Jewish friend (Internet friend, but this guy is the Jewiest Jew I know). He didn't have a problem with it.* He also brought up the important point that it's the intent behind a joke, as much as anything else, that determines the offensiveness of the joke.

To illustrate that point; I've yet to hear a joke about Aboriginal people that wasn't intended to reinforce some kind of negative stereotype about them. There's nothing funny, in my mind, about putting down people who, for the last two hundred years, have been ground into the dirt over and over again by 'my people'.




In fact, he gave me this one in return - "How many Jews can fit in a Volkswagon Beetle?

Oh that's easy... 2 in the back, 2 in the front, and six million in the ashtray."

so what was the point of regurgitating 3 pages of crap, and re-wording it, once the matter is gone.
and the severity was not not a matter, the Jewish joke quoted was just a mere example of the other religious/racist jokes on the forum.
Why insist on sucking up and becoming POSM's bitch?

 

[slip]

He also brought up the important point that it's the intent behind a joke, as much as anything else, that determines the offensiveness of the joke.

I've yet to hear a joke about Aboriginal people that wasn't intended to reinforce some kind of negative stereotype about them.

Making sweeping generalisations, assumptions and contradicting yourself much? It's over, let it be.

 

[Spike-X]

Why insist on sucking up and becoming POSM's bitch?

Yeah, you're onto me. That's exactly what I'm trying to do.

If only I had the c-c-c-courage to post a bunch of offensive, unfunny racist shite and then argue the toss for hours on end when told to cut it out.

*sigh* If only...

Making sweeping generalisations, assumptions and contradicting yourself much?

How so?

 

[slip]

Read the 2 paragraphs I quoted dude, one says it's the intent that matters, 2nd says that all aboriginal jokes are told by people with the intent of reinforcing racist stereotypes.

 

[Adrian]

I like this joke. poignant.

Those trying to justuify racist jokes, ask yourself the last question.

 

[PINT of Stella. mate!]

For starters, I like to consider everybody on the internet to be my bitch/beeeyatch/general dogsbody (delete as appropriate) So there's no point picking sides and/or name-calling at this time. I've said my piece and stated my opinions and if you don't like them, I have others*

Life's too short to be arguing like a rowdy bingo team and unless your arguments are absolute Killers <admittedly nevergonnahappen> or are at least mildly amusing there's really not much point continuing this pish.


Anyway: let's carry on with with the noble intentions that the founders of this thread first had (i.e funny jokes and porking your mum)

"Thought for the day:

How do you make a "Do Not Touch" sign in Braille?"


"I don't believe in the concept of post-feminism.

I mean, the post is late enough as it is without women getting involved."


"If only the french could keep their planes in the air for as long as their arms"


*may have been nicked from elsewhere. /I][/SIZE]

 

[Icarus]

 

[thecat]

"If only the french could keep their planes in the air for as long as their arms"

At the risk of being Frenchist....

Whats the French military's coat of arms?


A white cross emblazoned on a white background...

 

[Adrian]

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!<cough cough splutter..... deep breath chuckle>

Now that's comedy.

 

[651221]

What do you call epileptic lettuce?
a seizure salad.

What did the leper say to the hooker?
keep the tip.

I was at my bank today; there was a short line. Just one lady in front of
me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was
obvious she was a little irritated. . .

She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla
fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?'

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'

The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!'

 

[Binaural]

An 80-year-old Scotsman goes to the doctor for a check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks,
'How do you stay in such great physical condition?'

I'm Scottish and I am a golfer,' says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a wee glass of whisky, and all is well.'

'Well,' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?'

'Who said my Dad's dead?'

The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Dad's still alive. How old is he?'

'He's 100 years old,' says the old Scottish golfer. 'In fact he golfed wi' me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had anither wee dram and that's why he's still alive. He's Scottish and he's a golfer, too.'

'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Dad's dad? How old was he when he died?'

'Who said my grandad's dead?'

Stunned, the doctor asks, 'You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather' s still living! Incredible, how old is he?'

'He's 118 years old,' says the old Scottish golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?'

'No. Grandad couldnae go this mornin' because he's getting married today.'

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married?? Why would a 118 year- old guy want to get married?'

'Who said he wanted to?'