Jokes Thread.
- Thread starter mattvincent
- Start date
Breaka
Likes Bikes and Dirt
A hearing impared white man is in a lift when the biggest black man he has ever seen enters.
The black man looks down at the white man and says 'Evening whitey, I'm 7ft tall, 200kg and my name is Turner Brown'.
After hearing this the white man faints and falls to the floor.
After a while the white man is woken by the black, the white man asks the black man what he said when he first hopped in the lift. So the black man repeats 'I'm 7ft tall, 200kg and my name is Turner Brown'.
The white man wipes the beeds of sweat off his forehead, gives himself a shake and lets out a sigh of relief and says: 'Thank god! I thought you said TURN AROUND!'
The black man looks down at the white man and says 'Evening whitey, I'm 7ft tall, 200kg and my name is Turner Brown'.
After hearing this the white man faints and falls to the floor.
After a while the white man is woken by the black, the white man asks the black man what he said when he first hopped in the lift. So the black man repeats 'I'm 7ft tall, 200kg and my name is Turner Brown'.
The white man wipes the beeds of sweat off his forehead, gives himself a shake and lets out a sigh of relief and says: 'Thank god! I thought you said TURN AROUND!'
Matt H
Eats Squid
Seriously one of the most tasteful and funny race jokes I've ever heard.
Most racist jokes are aimed at everyone but white people.
So i took the liberty to find a few white jokes. Seeings as you guys love laying into black people..
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.
What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.
How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!
Sorry if these offend you.
So i took the liberty to find a few white jokes. Seeings as you guys love laying into black people..
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.
What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the other is a snake.
How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!
Sorry if these offend you.
Disturbed.Rider
Likes Bikes and Dirt
why not just substitute women, aborigonal, black man etc with puppy.
and we'll make the call as to what it should be.
what's more fun that drop-kicking a baby?
whatching it land.
and we'll make the call as to what it should be.
what's more fun that drop-kicking a baby?
whatching it land.
MtB_PaRk_4LyF
Likes Bikes
lol i cryed from laughter.
do-a-flip
Likes Bikes and Dirt
so sick its sooo funny. i heard this one the other day which i thought was terrible. i didnt even giggle..
whats the worst thing about waking up next to a dead baby?
the thought of you having sex with it the night before
i dont know how the person who told me it found it funny. he was probably just laughing at my reaction....
Ziggy
Likes Bikes and Dirt
haydn
Likes Dirt
Ok, A man comes home with a sheep and carries it into his room where his wife is reading. He says "This is the pig i sleep with well you have a headache." His wife says "Ah honey i think you will find that's a sheep." To which he replies "Ah honey i think you will find i was talking to the sheep"
Haydn
Haydn
Disturbed.Rider
Likes Bikes and Dirt
whats the difference between a black man and a white man?
about 4 inches.
about 4 inches.
mike-
Likes Bikes and Dirt
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St.Peter asks the first girl, 'Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?' She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.'
St. Peter says, 'Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, 'Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?' The girl is a little reluctant but replies, 'Well, once I fondled and stroked one.'
St. Peter says, 'Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, 'Lisa! What seems to be the rush?'
The girl replies, 'If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it.
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St.Peter asks the first girl, 'Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?' She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.'
St. Peter says, 'Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, 'Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?' The girl is a little reluctant but replies, 'Well, once I fondled and stroked one.'
St. Peter says, 'Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.'
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, 'Lisa! What seems to be the rush?'
The girl replies, 'If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it.
mike-
Likes Bikes and Dirt
A Day at the Races.
A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a Sydney casino when he
met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got
on famously and ended up in bed.
The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to
the races at Randwick that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she
was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.
In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her boobs. The bloke looked through the
race book and found 'Two Abreast' on which he placed $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths.
In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes. He put the lot on
'Eyeliner' at 10-1 and was then $5000 in front.
In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing
her growler.He backed nothing.
After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in
races 2 and 4. 'What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?', she asked. 'It paid
fortune?' 'Sh*t', he said, 'I thought you were telling me the c*nt was
scratched!'
A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a Sydney casino when he
met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got
on famously and ended up in bed.
The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to
the races at Randwick that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she
was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.
In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her boobs. The bloke looked through the
race book and found 'Two Abreast' on which he placed $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths.
In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes. He put the lot on
'Eyeliner' at 10-1 and was then $5000 in front.
In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing
her growler.He backed nothing.
After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in
races 2 and 4. 'What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?', she asked. 'It paid
fortune?' 'Sh*t', he said, 'I thought you were telling me the c*nt was
scratched!'
mike-
Likes Bikes and Dirt
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for
your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for
your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
wespelarno
Likes Dirt
Q. How do you make a volvo dissappear?
A. Apply rust remover
Q. What is the difference between a volvo and a golf ball
A. You can drive a golf ball 100 meters
Q. What information comes in the Volvo owners manual
A. The bus timetable
Q. What does the warning on Volvo airbags say?
A. In the event of crash, start blowing
A. Apply rust remover
Q. What is the difference between a volvo and a golf ball
A. You can drive a golf ball 100 meters
Q. What information comes in the Volvo owners manual
A. The bus timetable
Q. What does the warning on Volvo airbags say?
A. In the event of crash, start blowing
|Matt|
Banned
Michael J Fox walks into an ice cream shop and asks the man behind the counter for a double cone with triple scoops. The guy behind the counter asks "what flavour would you like, sir?", to which Michael J Fox replies "ah, it doesn't really matter mate, I'm just gonna drop the fucking thing anyway".