Please remove - FREE Manitou Sherman Flick for Free - sold

[atsunD]

Item: Manitou Sherman Flick
Location: Carlton North, Melbourne
Item Condition: good - see extra
Reason for freeness: leaving country on monday
Price and price conditions: $0
Extra Info: OK please pay attention - I am leaving the country on Mon Dec 8 so I want to give these away for free - yes of course there is a catch. They need to have the bushings reset and loctited. This is about a $100 job and needs to be done by the Manitou distributor but it seems there are some changes going on there so can't be done before I go.
The next catch, if you want to call it that, is that you will need to pick them up before I leave.
Here's all you need to do - write a short joke that I can tell at my going away party on friday. Best joke will get the forks.
Please don't post anything if you can't pick up the forks and they could go to a good home. I won't post.
I will decide on wednesday morning the best joke.
Please don't PM me about this.
190mm steerer tube. 20mm axle. Rebound, compression and travel adjust (90-130mm)
Pictures:

 

[jibber]

Ok this one is pretty bad its all i got at the moment and its worth a shot and i can come pick the forks up anytime and if you decide to give them away before wensday i can come pick them up tomorow.
anyway heres my joke.
Q. Why dont blind men skydive?
A. Because it scares the shit out of the dog.

 

[colourclassic]

q. What is the difference between a baby and a oven??

A. The oven doesn't cry when you put your meat in it!

Cheers

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[downhiller_1]

you after a joke...? look in your jocks


ps will pick up anytime any place

 

[colourclassic]

And my submission for the forks:


Q: What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A: A brick layer!

I'm around the corner from you so could pickup whenever.

 

[Andobrahh]

I dont want the forks because I live in cairns but I am loving this thread already... keep the jokes coming

 

[Sputnick]

I see my joke was not appropriate. Sorry about that. i Have another one.
Alot less sexual but still mean. If this is still not appropriate then im out of jokes. Please mods if this is still not appropriate delete or tell me and i will change.

Q. How do you keep a baby from crawling around in circles?

A. Nail its other hand to the flood!

Cheers

 

[zanus]

A Blonde and a brunette are robbing a bank.
The blonde goes over the plan with the brunette once more.
"Ok. I got it. Tie the guard and blow the safe" says the blonde. She gets out of the car and runs into the bank. 5 minutes goes by. Then 10 minutes. Just as she was about to go in the brunette sees the blonde running out of the bank. The blonde gets in the car and drives away. They hear a boom and the safe comes flying out of the door after the car on the rope attatched to the car. 5 seconds later the guard comes out with his pants down shout "come back, I want More!".
The brunette looks at the blonde and asks her to repeat the plan
"Wasnt i supposed to tie the safe and blow the guard"

 

[Hardrock_rider_23]

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast.
He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night Wondering what could have happened to her.
Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a Couple Of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some Really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.
'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news First?'
The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill Here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the Reef.
He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.'
The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit Of A turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what The good news is.
The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few Really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so We've brought you your share.'
He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or Five crabs in it.
'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and All That... So what's the other possible good news?
'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill Here Get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and Pull her up again!

good luck on your going away trip

 

[S.]

A Canadian, a Frenchman and an Aussie are bragging about how they satisfy their wives. The Canadian says "When I'm in bed with my lady, I pour maple syrup on her stomach and lick it off slowly. She gets so excited that she actually levitates several inches off the bed!"

The Frenchman says "When I make love to my wife, I sprinkle a little champagne over her body and lick it off slowly. She gets so excited that she levitates three FEET off the bed!"

The Aussie says "When I'm done with my missus, I wipe my dick on the curtains. She hits the roof."

 

[Sputnick]

A Canadian, a Frenchman and an Aussie are bragging about how they satisfy their wives. The Canadian says "When I'm in bed with my lady, I pour maple syrup on her stomach and lick it off slowly. She gets so excited that she actually levitates several inches off the bed!"

The Frenchman says "When I make love to my wife, I sprinkle a little champagne over her body and lick it off slowly. She gets so excited that she levitates three FEET off the bed!"

The Aussie says "When I'm done with my missus, I wipe my dick on the curtains. She hits the roof."

Holy sh*t thats funny. Good one S.

 

[jibber]

i couldnt decide between these 2 so ill post them both.
Q. Why do women wear underwear?
A. Because department of health and safety
regulations require that all manholes must be
covered when not in use.

A boss had to fire someone. he narrowed it down
to either debra or jack. it was a hard decision because
they were both great workers, so he decided he would
fire the first one to use the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in first the next morning with a ferocious hangover
after partying all night. she went to the cooler to get some water
to wash down an aspirin. the boss approached her and said
"debra, i've never done this before, but i have to lay you or jack off."
"could you jack off?" she asked. "i feel like absolute shit this morning."

 

[tld_06]

Q. What did one blonde's legs say to the other one?
A. Between you and me, we can make a lotta money!

- One a friend told me a while ago

Miss Smith was turning 71, and was living by herself in her old house. One morning her grand daughter decided to come and visit her. She invited her into her loungeroom to have a seat while she went into the kitchen to get some food and drink. As she sat in the loungeroom, she noticed her old mouth organ sitting in a glass of water. Intrigued by the oddness of it all, the young girl decided to go and check it out. Much to her suprise, as she examined the organ closer, it was covered in a condom!

Shocked and disturbed, the young girl put the mouth organ back in the glass of water and tried to forget about it. But curiosity got the better of her, so when she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The grand daughter tried to get the thought out of her head, but she could resist no longer.

"Hey Grandma," she said, " I was wondering if you would tell me about this," (pointing to the glass).

"My mouth organ? Oh yes, I was in a public toilet one day and I saw these for sale for $2! It said to put it on your organ, keep it wet and it would prevent disease. And you know... I haven't had a cold all year!"

Hahaha. Theres a similiar version somewhere on here too I think.

 

[tld_06]

3 Guys were drunk one night, so they decided to stay over at their mates house. Only problem was, there was only one bed. So they all had to sleep in the same bed.

In the morning, one of the guys who'd slept on the left goes, "I had the worst nightmare that I got jacked off buy a fat chick!"

The guy on the other side chips in, "Yeah me too, how weird. What you dream about greg?"

"I had a dream I went skiing."




The truth about Barney the Purple Dinosaur, taxxed from www.anglefire.com.

1) Start with the given:

CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR

2) Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway):

CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

3) Extract all Roman Numerals:

C V V L D I V

4) Convert into Arabic values:

100 5 5 50 500 1 5

5) Add all the numbers:

666

Thus, Barney is Satan.

 

[andrew]

whats the difference between a redhead and a red brick?

the red brick will eventually get laid

 

[atsunD]

We have a winner
I've already heard this joke and even told it before but it's a classic and quite frankly the rest are laaaaaaame.
The Barney one was pretty good but lacks party-tell-ability

Good on ya S.
I'll PM ya my details

A Canadian, a Frenchman and an Aussie are bragging about how they satisfy their wives. The Canadian says "When I'm in bed with my lady, I pour maple syrup on her stomach and lick it off slowly. She gets so excited that she actually levitates several inches off the bed!"

The Frenchman says "When I make love to my wife, I sprinkle a little champagne over her body and lick it off slowly. She gets so excited that she levitates three FEET off the bed!"

The Aussie says "When I'm done with my missus, I wipe my dick on the curtains. She hits the roof."