Yay! Santa comes tonight! Merry Christmas


Ask me about HoboBlo franchise opportunities
Preemptive strike - Christmas thread already exists - please don’t make any new ones as it will just slow down the internet for everyone :)

Dales Cannon

Cur non isti mictum ex occasione?
Staff member
Fucking flat pack swing sets.
My cousin bought a set for his daughters back in the day. He and a few mates tasked with assembly after the girls went to bed. Time for a few beers...
Two tasked with assembly while one was digging holes. Several beers later it started. Badly.
All parts tipped onto the ground to aid assembly. More beers. Missing bolts, nuts, washers. More beers. Oops not enough concrete pre mix. Disaster at 03:00. Luckily there was a quarry near. Not. One drunken sailor stayed home to watch the girls, the others were driven by sober wife to the quarry gates where two sozzled men scraped up by hand sand and gravel dropped from trucks on the road out. Scraped into various sugar bags, shopping bags, plastic bags. All going well until security arrived. They abandoned the car into the bushes, boot open, bags in all sorts of chaos. Theory being security wouldn't notice. Bad plan. Security noticed. 20 mins passes. Cops arrive. Wife walks out of bushes and is confronted by cops and security. Men still hiding. Explanation given, much laughing. Security grabs some shovels and fills the bags and boot with sand. Back to the house. Quick set poured. Sun begins to rise. Time for some beers. Girls emerge from bed and discover swing set, just ready to go. Father and two blokes they don't know passed out on bits of the swing set. Boxes everywhere. Empty beer cartons and cans everywhere. Success. Boot still has sand in various places 5 years later when it was detailed for selling.

Oh and no Dec baby likes Christmas, if one says otherwise watch their face carefully, this is how they look when they are lying.

PINT of Stella. mate!

Many, many Scotches
I’m spending my first Christmas at home with my family in about 10 years while simultaneously trying to avoid COVID, hypothermia and gout.
It’s proper festive though. My mother has gone mental with the Christmas spirit and has put up 4 Christmas trees. The almost permanent darkness is cut through by a blinding array of Christmas lights everywhere you go. I’ve drank my own body weight in mulled wine already, been subjected to Last Christmas, Fairytale of New York and all the other Xmas classics so many times I’m beginning to wonder if I’m part of some sort of psychological enhanced interrogation and spent the GDP of a small nation on daft trinkets for relatives I’ve not seen in decades.
Its fantastic!


Is not a gynaecologist but will look at your fork
lockdown last year I bought one of those huge play equipment sets to amuse the kids. Nominally it was for Xmas but that didn’t happen of course. Took me two solid days to assemble, so many issues had to be addressed.
Prick of a thing to assemble. Started using my torque wrench after the 5th bolt snapped. Hardware that was good for 6-8Nm.

Good luck Johnny. I feel your pain.