Confessions from the fuckwits

ashes_mtb

Has preferences
Ride day at the local super easy dh track. Rode like a complete joey, 4 crashes in 3 runs.
Last crash was following a mate down and he pulls up for a slower rider. I come round a corner, see him stopped and hit the anchors, whilst I was in the air after hitting a small lump/jump. Bike lands, front wheel let's go, 135 kgs hits the deck shoulder first and Hobart records an earthquake of 2.1 on the Richter Scale.

Pain kicks in immediately and I'm struggling to breathe and begin crawling on all 4s gasping for air and moaning like a pornstar auditioning for their first role on some gross black casting couch.

After a few seconds I feel the breeze on my ass and realise the crash had pulled my shorts to my knees so I was crawling around on the track essentially in my undies.

Choosing vanity over pain I got back to my feet and hiked up my pants, filled some of the man sized divot and managed to finish my run. Couple of hours later pain kicks in and looks like bruised front and back ribs, again. Pain in my shoulder around the scapula with movement but ok to touch but my upper pec is super sore to touch. Can't really lift anything and Hurts like hell when taking deep breaths and worse when sneezing or coughing. Normal breathing is OK and can move my arm above my head so ribs unlikely to be broken

No pics or video sorry.
All I took away from that was you were on all fours and moaning like a pornstar.
 

nathanm

Eats Squid
Oh and to help with the pain I took Endone for the first time yesterday. Never ever ever again. That stuff is good awful, felt nauseous and did nothing but nap for 20 hours. Absolutely wrecked me physically and I was still in pain
Cannot understand why the yanks have an oxycodone issue.
 

ozzybmx

taking a shit with my boobs out
Oh and to help with the pain I took Endone for the first time yesterday. Never ever ever again. That stuff is good awful, felt nauseous and did nothing but nap for 20 hours. Absolutely wrecked me physically and I was still in pain
Cannot understand why the yanks have an oxycodone issue.
Whacks you out when in pain, take it when you aren't and it locks you up just the same. I spent 5 days on an antibiotic drip, endones every 2-3 hours. At the 7 day mark a little Asian nurse came in to me and said 'have you passed yet' I had no idea that I hadn't shit for 7 days. Day 8 that baby came out like a snake, nearly needed a flush halfway through, was laying against the side of the toilet like a croc out of water, could have done with an electric whisk to get it around the U-bend :oops:
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
Well actually, for a low $10 a month on only fans
That seems a bit high on the $$$...


Oh and to help with the pain I took Endone for the first time yesterday. Never ever ever again. That stuff is good awful, felt nauseous and did nothing but nap for 20 hours. Absolutely wrecked me physically and I was still in pain
Cannot understand why the yanks have an oxycodone issue.
Endone is a great pain reliever in the right circumstances. Recreationally...you're going to need to charge more than $10/month.
 

nathanm

Eats Squid
Whacks you out when in pain, take it when you aren't and it locks you up just the same. I spent 5 days on an antibiotic drip, endones every 2-3 hours. At the 7 day mark a little Asian nurse came in to me and said 'have you passed yet' I had no idea that I hadn't shit for 7 days. Day 8 that baby came out like a snake, nearly needed a flush halfway through, was laying against the side of the toilet like a croc out of water, could have done with an electric whisk to get it around the U-bend :oops:
I'm a regular shitter and am pretty clockwork and often twice a day.
Due to the endone, tramadol, anti-inflams, Panadol and ibuprofen this will be day 3 without a turd and I'm getting scared
 

ashes_mtb

Has preferences
Day 8 that baby came out like a snake, nearly needed a flush halfway through, was laying against the side of the toilet like a croc out of water, could have done with an electric whisk to get it around the U-bend :oops:
Reminds me of my first time in Europe. Arrive at a hostel in Amsterdam busting for a shit. Chuck the backpack on the floor and straight to the shitter. Never seen a bowl that full in my life (aside from the old Sizzler desert bar days).

No toilet paper so grabbed a shower towel in desperation to clean myself up and then discovered the toilet was broken and wouldn’t flush. Walk out of the crime scene, pick up my bag, and went to find another room, leaving the mess for someone to discover.

No one spotted me - it was the perfect crime.
 

Oddjob

Merry fucking Xmas to you assholes
Reminds me of my first time in Europe. Arrive at a hostel in Amsterdam busting for a shit. Chuck the backpack on the floor and straight to the shitter. Never seen a bowl that full in my life (aside from the old Sizzler desert bar days).

No toilet paper so grabbed a shower towel in desperation to clean myself up and then discovered the toilet was broken and wouldn’t flush. Walk out of the crime scene, pick up my bag, and went to find another room, leaving the mess for someone to discover.

No one spotted me - it was the perfect crime.
SO IT WAS YOU!!!!!

Sent from my M2012K11AG using Tapatalk
 

pink poodle

気が狂っている男
A long many years back I had a similar experience in Japan. The flight over was a long with, 6 hour lay over in honkers then a late arrival in Tokyo leading to a late arrival in snow town. Up early next day and off to the snow (Cortina for those in the know) where there is fuck all toilets. Anyway I get the notification that 2 days worth of not shitting and travel food is about to break free...

Find a toilet and unleash! Of course it's a heated seat and I am layered up because it's snowing and cold as fuck, so I am sweating my arse off. Which I need to shit! So I delayer. Hat, sunnies (tucked in hat), tshirt, thermal, all stacked up on the shelf. The shit would sink the Titanic. I hit it with the hose...more shitting! I hose again...more shitting! Hose it off and I am finally empty. Towel dry with some shit paper and I rise and I am cold. Pants up, no worries. Grab thermal and drop my hat straight into the unflushed shit. Lightening reflexes but the hat is fucked! I can't wash that shit off. The sunglasses are soaped up and washed for nearly as long as I was shitting.

I rejoin the group and "where's your hat?" It was bright yellow and really cool before it was shit on.
 

ozzybmx

taking a shit with my boobs out
I'm a regular shitter and am pretty clockwork and often twice a day.
Due to the endone, tramadol, anti-inflams, Panadol and ibuprofen this will be day 3 without a turd and I'm getting scared
It's not instant, takes a good couple of days after stopping the endone before things start to move.
 

dirtdad

Wants to be special but is too shy
Weekend ride I started hearing some squeaking. Sounds like headset, but you know how these things can be anywhere. Have only just rebuilt dropper and my bearings, and doesn’t happen when I stand and pedal, so figure it will be headset/bars related.

3 days later I get some bike maintenance time. In the intervening days I’ve hambo’d my way across the inter-webs searching for all the parts I’ll need to order. Reading reviews of different headsets. Considering the value in a $160 headset vs a $50 headset…

Well fuck. A crown race that’s been worn away to a thin sliver of aluminium might do it!

Bottom is the new hope 1-1/2 race I had in the drawer. Top is the old one (came with the frame? Or spank headset? Not sure.).
Before I took the photo I even pulled off some foil-thin bits that were hanging off!

Bearings and cups were all fine. So much for all the useless hambo-ing.

Preventative maintenance! I need to do more. Should’ve checked WHY my headset needed tightening a few months back, instead of just twirling the multitool on the side of the trail and saying “she’ll be right!”.
 

kten

understands stuff moorey doesn't
Weekend ride I started hearing some squeaking. Sounds like headset, but you know how these things can be anywhere. Have only just rebuilt dropper and my bearings, and doesn’t happen when I stand and pedal, so figure it will be headset/bars related.

3 days later I get some bike maintenance time. In the intervening days I’ve hambo’d my way across the inter-webs searching for all the parts I’ll need to order. Reading reviews of different headsets. Considering the value in a $160 headset vs a $50 headset…

Well fuck. A crown race that’s been worn away to a thin sliver of aluminium might do it!

Bottom is the new hope 1-1/2 race I had in the drawer. Top is the old one (came with the frame? Or spank headset? Not sure.).
Before I took the photo I even pulled off some foil-thin bits that were hanging off!

Bearings and cups were all fine. So much for all the useless hambo-ing.

Preventative maintenance! I need to do more. Should’ve checked WHY my headset needed tightening a few months back, instead of just twirling the multitool on the side of the trail and saying “she’ll be right!”.
Jeez, that Hope crown race looks stout!

Is it a 45 degree jobbie or 30 something like Cane Creek?
 

dirtdad

Wants to be special but is too shy
Jeez, that Hope crown race looks stout!

Is it a 45 degree jobbie or 30 something like Cane Creek?
Well… fuck. I don’t know. Should have checked angles. It looked the same. Seemed to go back together ok?
Damn you sensible question asker!

Edit: @kten had me questioning myself, so I dropped the fork down again. I’m running a 40x52x7 45°x45° lower headset bearing and the Hope HS137s crown race which (from what I can tell) has a 45° angle. Crisis averted.
 
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