Confessions from the fuckwits

The Duckmeister

Has a juicy midrange
Second-hand fuckwittery

A customer popped in at work (as they do) a couple of weeks ago to pick up a new tyre. Offsider out in the shopfront recognised the guy from having bought one only a few days earlier.

Old Mate (a triathlete, which explains a lot) decided to put the new tyre on at 5:00am on race morning, in the dark. He apparently had a bit of trouble getting the thing to seat, but put it down to it being stupid-o'clock & dark, and eventually got it there, so off to the race he went. Out of the swim & onto the bike leg, put a bit of power in & *Weeeee*, massive wheelspin. "Odd", thinks Mr Triathlete, and keeps riding. Get to a corner, and *weeee*, big drift. "Shit", thinks Mr Triathlete, "they've sold me a dud tyre!" Nevertheless, he keeps on riding, wheelspinning & drifting all the way, until he hit a corner which required a bit more braking. Massive lock-up, which put a rather major flat spot on the tyre, but he held it, and kept riding. Eventually he finished the bike & went for a run, still swearing at the tyre.

Finally he got home to find the tyre had gone flat. Only when he took it off to repair it did he realise that he'd put it on inside out!
 
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Urban DH

Likes Bikes and Dirt
A customer popped in at work (as they do) a couple of weeks ago to pick up a new tyre. Offsider out in the shopfront recognised the guy from having bought one only a few days earlier.

Old Mate (a triathlete, which explains a lot) decided to put the new tyre on at 5:00am on race morning, in the dark. He apparently had a bit of trouble getting the thing to seat, but put it down to it being stupid-o'clock & dark, and eventually got it there, so of to the race he went. Out of the swim & onto the bike leg, put a bit of power in & *Weeeee*, massive wheelspin. "Odd", thinks Mr Triathlete, and keeps riding. Get to a corner, and *weeee*, big drift. "Shit", thinks Mr Triathlete, "they've sold me a dud tyre!" Nevertheless, he keeps on riding, wheelspinning & drifting all the way, until he hit a corner which required a bit more braking. Massive lock-up, but he held it, and kept riding. Eventually he finished the bike & went for a run, still swearing at the tyre.

Finally he got home to find the tyre had gone flat. Only when he took it off to repair it did he realise that he'd put it on inside out!
i've been out done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

618px-JeanLucPicardFacepalm.jpg
 

Nautonier

Eats Squid
In an act of sheer unadulterated fuckwittery, I had just purchased a shiny new DH rig and was attempting to eradicate a rather annoying creaking noise in the frame under load. I removed the main pivot bolts, re-greased them and on re-installing the last one encountered a little bit of resistance - well, a lot of resistance actually. Instead of removing the bolt and investigating the problem, I thought using force was the answer and proceeded to cross-thread the MAIN LINKAGE BOLT on the damn bike. The bolt was no big deal, but the thread in the frame was completely stripped in the process. When I realised what I'd done I almost cried, before banging my head repeatedly against the wall. Turns out the creaking noise was caused by the rear axle not being tightened enough. I now ride a DH bike that has undergone the equivalent of "tearing itself a new arsehole"...
 

Mica

Likes Dirt
This has to be the most entertaining thread in years. Here's my latest and greatest.

Assembled the new ss commuter with some Christmas funds and in my rush to get it going neglected to get the chain tension right. Threw the chain on the way home on day 1. Casualty count for this one;

Written off back wheel
2 shredded tyres
1 jersey
1 glove
and a lot of skin including 6 stitches in my chin
 

rider124

Likes Bikes and Dirt
do i need to say the amount of times i have forgotten to clip out at the lights or at the end of the tracks?
 

Shredden

Knows his goats
Damn I knew my name would come up.

Uhmmmm lets see:

- Phone and iPod in wall: http://www.rotorburn.com/forums/sho...one-is-in-a-wall-and-I-cant-get-it-out!/page9
- Water in forks (cant find thread)
- Taking a few hours to figure out my 10sp saint kit wasn't working because I accidentally picked up the wrong cassette box (9sp) after buying a 10sp one at work.
- Mavic deemax carbones: http://www.rotorburn.com/forums/showthread.php?235803-Mavic-DeeMax-Carbone (seriously guys, people texting me death threats?)
- Turning my gopro on then clipping it on my helmet while i was wearing it, pressing record then only realizing after one of the best crashes of my life that i had put it on backwards.
- Buying crankbrothers opium wheels: http://vimeo.com/36122948 (classic stuff, everyone said they would break when I bought them, then 2 runs in I folded them. Squealing was for the camera aha, I'm not that emotional).
- Putting my DH tyres on the wrong way every damn time.
- Stabbing myself in the eye with a screwdriver trying to bounce it off the floor.

Damn I wish I could be 13 again.
 

moorey

call me Mia
2 bike related, if not bike maintenance fuckwittery.

A young mates 21st about 10 years ago, at his house at about 3am in ballarat. He lived in a bit of a gully, steep road up the street in both directions. Me, the mature one in the group decided it would be fun to pull the front wheel out of another mates bike (talking bout you, Johnny Dawe), and roll it down one hill and up the other. It's 3am, remember, noones around..... I run up the hill with wheel, give it a massive bouncing throw, it's flying down the hill, bouncing 10 foot high...... Car comes over the hill on other side. We watch in horror, actually, we dive into bushes, as we watch the car and wheel hurtling towards each other. Driver sees nothing until she slams into wheel and screams to a halt. I man up and go over to attempt to explain what happened to understandably shaken woman. She eventually calms down, pleased she hasn't killed someone, doesn't call the cops, but I end up with a bill for about $1000 damage to the car. Dawes wheel was fucked also, but I got away with that. Worst part, fessing up to (now) wife why I needed $1000 in cash from our already empty bank account.

Second story, Johnny Dawe again, at mt beauty dh nationals in about 2002 or 2003. We were staying in fancy chalet, cleaning bikes after practice, inside as you do. Had metho in spray bottles for some reason, rotors maybe, and ended up shooting each other using them as flame throwers and lighting each other up. Set them alight, and as they panic trying to put it out, shoot more in another place and have them 50% alight.
Eventually too burned to play on, went to bed, raced next day, packed up in hurry and went home, still giggling.
Sobering Phone call next day. We has scorched every inch of carpet and both couches. They had mates CC details, so all we could do was cop up for recarpeting and reupholstering whole lounge room. My share was about $800.....another tricky one to explain to the good wife.
 

Nautonier

Eats Squid
Damn I knew my name would come up.

Uhmmmm lets see:

- Phone and iPod in wall: http://www.rotorburn.com/forums/sho...one-is-in-a-wall-and-I-cant-get-it-out!/page9
- Water in forks (cant find thread)
- Taking a few hours to figure out my 10sp saint kit wasn't working because I accidentally picked up the wrong cassette box (9sp) after buying a 10sp one at work.
- Mavic deemax carbones: http://www.rotorburn.com/forums/showthread.php?235803-Mavic-DeeMax-Carbone (seriously guys, people texting me death threats?)
- Turning my gopro on then clipping it on my helmet while i was wearing it, pressing record then only realizing after one of the best crashes of my life that i had put it on backwards.
- Buying crankbrothers opium wheels: http://vimeo.com/36122948 (classic stuff, everyone said they would break when I bought them, then 2 runs in I folded them. Squealing was for the camera aha, I'm not that emotional).
- Putting my DH tyres on the wrong way every damn time.
- Stabbing myself in the eye with a screwdriver trying to bounce it off the floor.

Damn I wish I could be 13 again.
I can think of a few other threads you've started that would be stirling contenders, but as someone has said you appear to have matured and RB wouldn't be the same without you :)
 

OCD'R

Likes Dirt
This past week... service my newish XX SID fork - oil and check seals, general poke around on a quiet day. Proceed to drop the RCT3 damper on the floor, a bloody ball bearing with a couple ofodds and ends spill out of it and fucked if I can find an exploded view of a solo air RCT3 damper mech, well except for the one on my workbench. Majorly pissed.

Read the torque value of the eccentric pivot bearing wrongly, torquing it to in./lb instead of ft./lb and destroying the bushing. Stupid fuck!
 

brendonj

Likes Dirt
I once saw this great 4X / DJ bike for sale online. Was dual suspension, so I figured would be really versatile. The thing was that I didn't need it, I just liked it. Spent about a week (or more) reviewing the specs and the geometry etc. Even talked the misses into agreeing that the price was absolutely unreal for the package. Put the order in. About a week later the box turns up. I open it up with great excitement and see only the frame inside....... No parts, nothing, just the frame and shock. Said deal was not so good after all. I could justify spending a hepa more for the parts I needed. Eventually I sold the frame without loosing too much money... Never owned up to the misses yet.
 

MARKL

Eats Squid
Decided to build up a new set of light downhill wheels with Stans Flow rims, then saw that new Flow EX were available. Unfortunately CRC did not have them yet so decided to go with another company*. Went and placed my order very late in the evening ticked the boxes, double checked, triple checked because I new I was tired...paid my money. Couple of weeks later wheels turn up...WTF...who wants arch rims on a 150mm hub? About to email supplier about fuckup....checked order...appears I am the fuckwit.
 
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