Black Dogs and mental shit in general

[moorey]

Trying really hard to not derail this thread any more than I have already, so I’ll respond quickly and try to leave it at that.
Feel free to message me to continue the discussion.

@moorey Freely admitting that you are a prick doesn't excuse your poor impulse control. Do you act that way with your clients and co-workers?

I try not to. Can usually wear my professional pants, but I’ve long suspected I’m on the autism spectrum, and can’t say I’m always beyond reproach.

I dont look down my nose at anyone until they've demonstrated its utterly warranted. Believe it or not, i generally think the best of people at first. Its been a long life of hard lessons in why this is a poor policy, yet for some stupid reason its still my default.

Im getting better at remembering more often than not they'll turn out to be self centred pricks, but its a work in progress.

Hence I said I don’t necessarily think you are like that in every day life. Maybe you are. Maybe many people are like you say. I don’t see it.

 

[Haakon]

Trying really hard to not derail this thread any more than I have already, so I’ll respond quickly and try to leave it at that.
Feel free to message me to continue the discussion.

I try not to. Can usually wear my professional pants, but I’ve long suspected I’m on the autism spectrum, and can’t say I’m always beyond reproach.

Hence I said I don’t necessarily think you are like that in every day life. Maybe you are. Maybe many people are like you say. I don’t see it.

Im glad you've had a better experience of humanity, someone should. I just dont get people, its probably a main factor behind why this thread cuts close to home. But when you get hit over the head often enough, you eventually learn to duck. Mostly...

 

[nathanm]

Being on the spectrum is in no way related to mental health (sorry: mental shit in general) nor having personality deficiencies. You will find, if you took the time, that most people on the spectrum are very much happier than most because they don't process emotions like everyone else does so tend not to sweat the small stuff. People on the spectrum have deep concerns for others even if they have trouble expressing these emotions, particularly physically. Your behaviour and manner is in no way related to Autism as you very much choose what you say and it should not be used by anyone as an excuse for their shit behaviour.
As with mental health in general there's a spectrum and my eldest step son is high functioning and indeed one of the happiest kids you'd know. As long as you let him sit in his room in the dark and not socialise with people. He's bright and caring and an amazing kid and shits me to tears when he doesn't hold his cutlery properly because he likes the feel of actually touching his food when he eats.
His ASD is very much different too my various minor situational and seasonal depression and my partners Anxiety.
The older you get the more you realise that depression is extremely widespread and affects pretty much all of us either directly or indirectly. So many good people and organisations have worked long and hard to normalise a discussion around the topic and to get people to ask "are you ok". It's always sad and disappointing to see people taking advantage of others vulnerabilities for point scoring and hopefully is something that can be stamped out everywhere.

 

[Haakon]

Being on the spectrum is in no way related to mental health (sorry: mental shit in general) nor having personality deficiencies. You will find, if you took the time, that most people on the spectrum are very much happier than most because they don't process emotions like everyone else does so tend not to sweat the small stuff. People on the spectrum have deep concerns for others even if they have trouble expressing these emotions, particularly physically. Your behaviour and manner is in no way related to Autism as you very much choose what you say and it should not be used by anyone as an excuse for their shit behaviour.
As with mental health in general there's a spectrum and my eldest step son is high functioning and indeed one of the happiest kids you'd know. As long as you let him sit in his room in the dark and not socialise with people. He's bright and caring and an amazing kid and shits me to tears when he doesn't hold his cutlery properly because he likes the feel of actually touching his food when he eats.
His ASD is very much different too my various minor situational and seasonal depression and my partners Anxiety.
The older you get the more you realise that depression is extremely widespread and affects pretty much all of us either directly or indirectly. So many good people and organisations have worked long and hard to normalise a discussion around the topic and to get people to ask "are you ok". It's always sad and disappointing to see people taking advantage of others vulnerabilities for point scoring and hopefully is something that can be stamped out everywhere.

Short version - be responsible for the shit you say.


*caveat - bad day here, got the "dear John" letter on a dream job application it seems in hindsight id placed far too much weight on and am processing that and how to get the fuck out of fucking canberra with an income that will pay the mortgage. Pondering for the first time in a very long time going back to consulting, which whilst well paid is a bit soul destroying.

** caveat caveat - i have met some super cool people here (some through this forum) who are super happy here. I totally get how one could be happy here, but its not my home. I want to go home...

 

[nathanm]

Short version - be responsible for the shit you say.


*caveat - bad day here, got the "dear John" letter on a dream job application it seems in hindsight id placed far too much weight on and am processing that and how to get the fuck out of fucking canberra with an income that will pay the mortgage. Pondering for the first time in a very long time going back to consulting, which whilst well paid is a bit soul destroying.

That's a tough one man and always a kick square in the nuts. Your analogy is bang on too, getting rejected for a job you desperately want is often as bad as a relationship breakdown, after all we actually spend more time at work than with the people and things we actually care about.

It never feels like it at the time but everything normally works out for a reason, but you can never get that perspective until that something better actually comes along and you realise that it was meant to be.

Keep grinding dude, good things are always just that little bit further along.

 

[wkkie]

Im glad you've had a better experience of humanity, someone should. I just dont get people, its probably a main factor behind why this thread cuts close to home. But when you get hit over the head often enough, you eventually learn to duck. Mostly...

It can be hard, but you can't assume all people are assholes. They (assholes in general) drag you down to their level.

I have to constantly remind myself to give people the benefit of the doubt (experience). Thinking everyone is an asshole is exhausting and can really start pushing your frame of mind into a bad place.

 

[Kerplunk]

Also went to bed at 830 last night and pretty much fell asleep reading at 1030, which is better than things have been recently.
Little fella has been waking up during the night and I've been sleeping pretty lightly (when I have been, but apparently slept through him waking up at around midnight, which is good. I went in and sorted him out at 4 when he woke up and managed to get back to sleep for a couple of hours. Still feel rooted, but actually feel like I've slept today and my morning coffee doesn't feel like it's doing as much heavy lifting as it has done for the last few weeks.
I'm also feeling better mentally than I was on Monday and yesterday. Going and seeing someone and asking for some help, as well as putting it out there on here has been cathartic to say the least.

I am a very light shit/sleeper and generally take ages to fall asleep. My first son was an absolutely terrible sleeper for 2 straight years (waking every 45 mins not uncommon).. Whether it was the wife or i doing the feeding/changing I just couldn’t fall asleep again between wake up’s. It went on till I nearly lost the plot completely and ended up getting sleeping pills from the doc.. They helped break the insomnia cycle and allowed me to gain a grasp on reality again. Longer term the pills were horrible as they just knocked me out rather than putting me to sleep but they help get me back on track.
Fk me those first few years were so soul destroying tough on both us parents. My wife slipped into post natal depression and i was hanging on by a thread.. We got through it though eventually and the boy has been a breeze since he was 4 years old.. He is growing up into a great young man, just have the teenage years to go now..
Sleep deprivation causes so many issues and I reckon it is the trigger that sets off a lot of underlying mental issues that we normally can keep under control.

 

[Haakon]

It can be hard, but you can't assume all people are assholes. They (assholes in general) drag you down to their level.

I have to constantly remind myself to give people the benefit of the doubt (experience). Thinking everyone is an asshole is exhausting and can really start pushing your frame of mind into a bad place.

I dont - as i said, my default (despite 46 years of experience with a very few shining exceptions) is assume people are not arseholes. I am more often than not disappointed (the exceptions of course tend to be worth the dross you have to contend with).

I think people just tend to look after their own shit, and its become socially acceptable to step on others to get ahead. I dont deal with that approach very well.

 

[Rorschach]

I am a very light shit/sleeper and generally take ages to fall asleep. My first son was an absolutely terrible sleeper for 2 straight years (waking every 45 mins not uncommon).. Whether it was the wife or i doing the feeding/changing I just couldn’t fall asleep again between wake up’s. It went on till I nearly lost the plot completely and ended up getting sleeping pills from the doc.. They helped break the insomnia cycle and allowed me to gain a grasp on reality again. Longer term the pills were horrible as they just knocked me out rather than putting me to sleep but they help get me back on track.
Fk me those first few years were so soul destroying tough on both us parents. My wife slipped into post natal depression and i was hanging on by a thread.. We got through it though eventually and the boy has been a breeze since he was 4 years old.. He is growing up into a great young man, just have the teenage years to go now..
Sleep deprivation causes so many issues and I reckon it is the trigger that sets off a lot of underlying mental issues that we normally can keep under control.

Number 1 didn't sleep all that well until he was ~7 months old. My folks came over from the UK while he was still waking up heaps and the wife and I were both really shitty for the time they were here. We did some sleep training with him and it was like walking on a cloud with him. He's only been waking up in the night for the last 6 weeks or so, which has been tough. Think he's been going through a leap recently, but he's also starting to drop his nap, which isn't helping the wife at this stage...
I'm not all that keen on getting sleeping pills as I have tried them before (doc prescribed them to me when I was struggling to sleep during my PhD) and I hate them, and made me feel worse. I'll look at 'natural' remedies first and escalate as needed from there in conjunction with the sleep doc

 

[Haakon]

Ive had a quite a bit of experience with sleeping tablets, and for me at least ive decided theyre just a credit system - you borrow sleep from the future. I use them on my week long work trips to europe where i dont have the time to be jet lagged, but the following fortnight at least is a bloody nightmare of insomnia....

Have resorted to them a few times for general insomnia (which is a normal part of life for me) with the same result - great short term, bloody horrible long term.

 

[Kerplunk]

Number 1 didn't sleep all that well until he was ~7 months old. My folks came over from the UK while he was still waking up heaps and the wife and I were both really shitty for the time they were here. We did some sleep training with him and it was like walking on a cloud with him. He's only been waking up in the night for the last 6 weeks or so, which has been tough. Think he's been going through a leap recently, but he's also starting to drop his nap, which isn't helping the wife at this stage...
I'm not all that keen on getting sleeping pills as I have tried them before (doc prescribed them to me when I was struggling to sleep during my PhD) and I hate them, and made me feel worse. I'll look at 'natural' remedies first and escalate as needed from there in conjunction with the sleep doc

Sleeping pills were definitely a last resort option for me, never touched them again.. Reckon diazepam does a better job..
My boy went to sleep school and it was an utter failure. Made things worse.. We ended just moving him our bed in the early morning so we could get some sleep. Nothing else worked.. All the experts tell you not to because it forms bad habits but that’s bollocks.. They grow out of it..

 

[Kerplunk]

Sorry, Double post

 

[Rorschach]

Ive had a quite a bit of experience with sleeping tablets, and for me at least ive decided theyre just a credit system - you borrow sleep from the future. I use them on my week long work trips to europe where i dont have the time to be jet lagged, but the following fortnight at least is a bloody nightmare of insomnia....

Have resorted to them a few times for general insomnia (which is a normal part of life for me) with the same result - great short term, bloody horrible long term.

Yeah, thats how I felt when I tried them. Woke up in a daze and then felt rooted about the time I'd need them to KO me again

Sleeping pills were definitely a last resort option for me, never touched them again.. Reckon diazepam does a better job..
My boy went to sleep school and it was an utter failure. Made things worse.. We ended just moving him our bed in the early morning so we could get some sleep. Nothing else worked.. All the experts tell you not to because it forms bad habits but that’s bollocks.. They grow out of it..

1 is really good, he'll stay in his room until we go and get him - he's just having some recent issues getting back to sleep once he wakes up in the middle of the night. I often have a bit of trouble getting back to sleep after, and it's not uncommon to either doze until I have to get up, or read my book for an hour

 

[Rorschach]

Back on topic...

Had a call back from the psychologist my GP referred me to - she's going to look at shuffling a few things to try and get me in after Easter.

Managed to get an appointment on Monday 12th. Appreciate the psychologist moving things around to see me.

 

[Rorschach]

Bit of an update because catharsis

Felt pretty good for the last week after taking some action, but the shine is starting to wear off and there are a few things starting to creep back in that I'm taking as a bit of a warning sign.
My little fella has been sleeping through again, and I've been getting 7-8 hours sleep a night, but feel absolutely wiped when I wake up. I've managed to get an appointment with a sleep specialist, but not until the start of June
Starting to feel pretty apathetic towards things and generally irritated with stuff again. Little fella was playing up last night and was pretty close to losing my shit with him again. Starting to recognise when I am though (feels like I'm starting to have a panic attack or something) and get the wife to help while I calm down.
Aspects of work I just can't be bothered with. On Wednesday I worked from our office (rather than the customer office) and did literally nothing all day. Other than yesterday, I've had a really unproductive week. Easter Sunday was worst when I woke up feeling really morose and just wanted to stay in bed but we were booked to go to the in-laws for Easter breakfast. Thats the worst I've felt in a while, and there really wasn't anything that set me off. I've had to force myself to try and cheer up this week a few times and it's becoming a bit of a strain
Counsellor is on Monday arvo. Nothing booked in for this weekend other than a trip to Kalamunda tomorrow morning and then mowing the lawns. B-Day for number 2 is less than 2 weeks and the wife and I are starting to freak out

 

[Norco Maniac]

I try not to. Can usually wear my professional pants, but I’ve long suspected I’m on the autism spectrum, and can’t say I’m always beyond reproach.

As an Aspie, i can say you definitely come across as neurodivergent.
It's not a bad thing, especially when you're self-aware enough to rein yourself in when necessary. I don't understand social mores but can fake some of them if i have to.

I wasn't diagnosed till i was 48 and suddenly so many things made sense.

 

[moorey]

As an Aspie, i can say you definitely come across as neurodivergent.
It's not a bad thing, especially when you're self-aware enough to rein yourself in when necessary. I don't understand social mores but can fake some of them if i have to.

I wasn't diagnosed till i was 48 and suddenly so many things made sense.

Doc once asked me if I wanted a proper diagnosis. I don’t think it would make any difference knowing either way. I have enough training and exposure through work to know I tick most boxes. Maybe I’m just quirky? Not concerned either way.

 

[Norco Maniac]

Doc once asked me if I wanted a proper diagnosis. I don’t think it would make any difference knowing either way. I have enough training and exposure through work to know I tick most boxes. Maybe I’m just quirky? Not concerned either way.

As long as you know in yourself, you have the neurodivergent toolbox to work with. A formal diagnosis is only helpful if it's necessary for kids needing help at school or folk who struggle in daily life.

 

[moorey]

As long as you know in yourself, you have the neurodivergent toolbox to work with. A formal diagnosis is only helpful if it's necessary for kids needing help at school or folk who struggle in daily life.

Agreed.

 

[pink poodle]

What's wrong with being quirky?