Black Dogs and mental shit in general

Nambra

Postmeridian
I still regularly listen to It's Blitz. Such a great album

Rewarding yes, relaxing no.
My day is get up and sort the baby, get in the shower, sort breakfast while the toddler watches tv and the Mrs has a shower, go to work and then pretty much the reverse when I get home.
My Psychologist said I need to learn to relax, and she's right. I've downloaded Calm and am doing some of the relaxation stuff on there mainly before I go to bed, but listening to some at work (between listening to JJJ ;), although that is very shit I prefer it to JJ!) and doing the breathing stuff when I feel like I need to calm down a bit.
I'm also looking for a hobby, something I can do for bits here and there. I'm thinking of getting a drone - have been interested for a while - and possibly trading my Xbox One in for a new one. I'm also looking at bits I can pick up on the Switch to pass the time, like a strategy game or something. Something I can grab for 10 minutes and put down or gets me out for a bit
Do you feel you're getting enough exercise @Rorschach (riding included)? I recall that was one of the things that goes out the window when you have a young family, with negative physcial and emotional consequences. No "me" time, the dreaded dad-bod, feeling guilty leaving mum home with the kids if you do go out, etc.

As a 50yo that's been married for 18 years with 17yo and 15yo kids, I can tell you that the last 20 years has felt like two. One minute you're 30 and as carefree as a bird, then you get hitched and start a family and time just disappears. The older you get the more you realise how precious and finite each day really is. Balancing the selfish-but-necessary-for-your-mental-health indulgences with family and relationship commitments is hard at times. It's not time away from the family that you need all the time either, sometimes it's time away from yourself; a time-out from the person our modern complicated lives are forcing us to be and a chance to self-reflect, clear your head, de-stress.
 

Haakon

Call me Ken, whoreken
Did he have to go on a course of antibiotics after this, asking for a friend?
who knows... he said he found true love for the duration of his stay, but he tends to say that a lot... I just smile and nod.

all i know is the one night i went out with him i was given something very dodgy that left me bed bound and poisoned the next day - that was my cue to leave and move to a very cool hostel in another town and met some nice normal people to hang out with. and of course riding Sa Calobra was amazing...
 

Haakon

Call me Ken, whoreken
Thats even a bit on topic - leaving my chronic liar of a brother to his own devices , and giving up on the several grand he "borrowed" on that trip was quite good for my mental health. He was a very stressful brother if you didnt like being ripped off...

I have had to discard a few leeches over the years, its very good for the soul!!
 

Rorschach

Paid $250 for this custom title
Do you feel you're getting enough exercise @Rorschach (riding included)? I recall that was one of the things that goes out the window when you have a young family, with negative physcial and emotional consequences. No "me" time, the dreaded dad-bod, feeling guilty leaving mum home with the kids if you do go out, etc.

As a 50yo that's been married for 18 years with 17yo and 15yo kids, I can tell you that the last 20 years has felt like two. One minute you're 30 and as carefree as a bird, then you get hitched and start a family and time just disappears. The older you get the more you realise how precious and finite each day really is. Balancing the selfish-but-necessary-for-your-mental-health indulgences with family and relationship commitments is hard at times. It's not time away from the family that you need all the time either, sometimes it's time away from yourself; a time-out from the person our modern complicated lives are forcing us to be and a chance to self-reflect, clear your head, de-stress.
Definitely not.
My riding is basically limited to me being home at about 830 on a weekend, so am getting up at 5 to head out at the minute. OK now but not in winter
During the week I rarely get anything in. I've got gear at work to go for a walk at lunch but its pretty oppressively hot in WA at the minute. I'll bring my bike in when my boss/riding buddy is back in a week or so.
Incidental exercise is minimal as I drive to the office. I've looked at riding in the past but its too time consuming.
I could go for a walk when the kids are in bed but I can't be arsed
I've got a Kickr Snap but with 2 kids I don't have anywhere but my garage to set it up and again the motivation to sit on it is low.
I've been enjoying doing some guided meditation before I go to bed, and am going to go outside and sit in the shade after lunch and listen to something and see if that helps. When I really need it though is around the time I get home, which isn't going to happen
 

ForkinGreat

Random Krishna
Definitely not.
My riding is basically limited to me being home at about 830 on a weekend, so am getting up at 5 to head out at the minute. OK now but not in winter
During the week I rarely get anything in. I've got gear at work to go for a walk at lunch but its pretty oppressively hot in WA at the minute. I'll bring my bike in when my boss/riding buddy is back in a week or so.
Incidental exercise is minimal as I drive to the office. I've looked at riding in the past but its too time consuming.
I could go for a walk when the kids are in bed but I can't be arsed
I've got a Kickr Snap but with 2 kids I don't have anywhere but my garage to set it up and again the motivation to sit on it is low.
I've been enjoying doing some guided meditation before I go to bed, and am going to go outside and sit in the shade after lunch and listen to something and see if that helps. When I really need it though is around the time I get home, which isn't going to happen
got Zwift hooked up to your Kickr snap?
 

Flow-Rider

Burner
Definitely not.
My riding is basically limited to me being home at about 830 on a weekend, so am getting up at 5 to head out at the minute. OK now but not in winter
During the week I rarely get anything in. I've got gear at work to go for a walk at lunch but its pretty oppressively hot in WA at the minute. I'll bring my bike in when my boss/riding buddy is back in a week or so.
Incidental exercise is minimal as I drive to the office. I've looked at riding in the past but its too time consuming.
I could go for a walk when the kids are in bed but I can't be arsed
I've got a Kickr Snap but with 2 kids I don't have anywhere but my garage to set it up and again the motivation to sit on it is low.
I've been enjoying doing some guided meditation before I go to bed, and am going to go outside and sit in the shade after lunch and listen to something and see if that helps. When I really need it though is around the time I get home, which isn't going to happen
Sounds like you need to make a bit of 'you time', I pretty much hear the same story with all my friends with young kids. Seems to be a lot of pressure with being a perfect parent these days, but never mind the parent's mental health.


Thats even a bit on topic - leaving my chronic liar of a brother to his own devices , and giving up on the several grand he "borrowed" on that trip was quite good for my mental health. He was a very stressful brother if you didnt like being ripped off...

I have had to discard a few leeches over the years, its very good for the soul!!
Yeah, pretty shit when it comes from your own blood. My brother isn't any better and caused our family much embarrassment over the years.
 
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Scotty T

2.6 inches
As a 50yo that's been married for 18 years with 17yo and 15yo kids, I can tell you that the last 20 years has felt like two.
Yeah, I can't belive my son is 23 this year, and those early 2000's BDO's seem a lifetime, or a moment ago.

During the week I rarely get anything in. I've got gear at work to go for a walk at lunch but its pretty oppressively hot in WA at the minute. I'll bring my bike in when my boss/riding buddy is back in a week or so.
I rarely excercise by myself these days, the opposite of 3-4 years ago. Having a routine and people that expect you to show up (bootcamp in a group, enough riding buddies to get at least one in a week) can go a long way towards motivation and enjoying it more. Also if I don't go to bootcamp it costs me 10 bucks.

At one point pre COVID I had 2-5 riding buddies here at work getting out on the local singletrack nearby at lunch, so that's good you have a work riding buddy. After COVID I haven't brought my bike back in at all. You'll also have the kids getting older and starting to "excercise" with you (not sure how soon?) which is a great time.
 

Rorschach

Paid $250 for this custom title
got Zwift hooked up to your Kickr snap?
Had it in the past and inside (in an air conditioned room!) before number 2 came along but now I don't have space - I was in what is now the nursery - unless I go in the garage and its way too bloody hot in there or I get chewed by mozzies
I don't mind Zwift and normally stick a podcast or music on and rode for half an hour or so. I also noticed my fitness and stamina improve then I had to pack it all away. No chance leaving it set-up with my toddler around.

Sounds like you need to make a bit of 'you time', I pretty much hear the same story with all my friends with young kids. Seems to be a lot of pressure with being a perfect parent these days, but never mind the parent's mental health.
Yeah. My 'me time' is early Saturday morning or lunchtimes a lot of the time. Not ideal but the only way we can make it work at the mo

I rarely excercise by myself these days, the opposite of 3-4 years ago. Having a routine and people that expect you to show up (bootcamp in a group, enough riding buddies to get at least one in a week) can go a long way towards motivation and enjoying it more. Also if I don't go to bootcamp it costs me 10 bucks.

At one point pre COVID I had 2-5 riding buddies here at work getting out on the local singletrack nearby at lunch, so that's good you have a work riding buddy. After COVID I haven't brought my bike back in at all. You'll also have the kids getting older and starting to "excercise" with you (not sure how soon?) which is a great time.
I generally ride with my wifes old man most of the time and whenever I feel like I can't be bothered the thought of letting someone down gets me going. That and the fact if I stay in bed I'll only get an extra 20 minutes at most before the kids are up.
My eldest likes going to the pump track. I took my Prime along and enjoyed it, but thats not something I can do all the time and there isn't one near work
 

pink poodle

aka stickchops
Yep, hence looking for a bit of an out.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family but I really want a break and some time on my own, but its unfair that I get that when I struggle to pay it back.
And left to my own devices, I get bored of my own company very quickly, so am trying to find something to break the monotony
2 things to consider, which may or may not be good advice...

1) if you aren't fully functional without getting a bit of quiet time on your own, then it might be as beneficial over all to find that time and space.

2) your parental partner may not view you having some personal time with the same perspective as you, the who owes who for what approach. So they may actually be supportive of you getting out on the bike for a few hours, building your Lego set in the attic, or whatever it is that helps ...well maybe not watching porn. So those feelings of guilt and indebtedness might be invalid. Have you guys had a conversation about this?
 

Rorschach

Paid $250 for this custom title
2 things to consider, which may or may not be good advice...

1) if you aren't fully functional without getting a bit of quiet time on your own, then it might be as beneficial over all to find that time and space.

2) your parental partner may not view you having some personal time with the same perspective as you, the who owes who for what approach. So they may actually be supportive of you getting out on the bike for a few hours, building your Lego set in the attic, or whatever it is that helps ...well maybe not watching porn. So those feelings of guilt and indebtedness might be invalid. Have you guys had a conversation about this?
I get what you're saying
She supports me getting out, but it needs to fit in with everything else thats going on. I try to do something every weekend and watch the kids while she goes out for a bit. She seems OK with that, but I don't feel like the two are comparable, so in that case the feelings of guilt may be invalid as you say. We've talked about it, but not sure if its sitting with either of us
 

pink poodle

aka stickchops
I get what you're saying
She supports me getting out, but it needs to fit in with everything else thats going on. I try to do something every weekend and watch the kids while she goes out for a bit. She seems OK with that, but I don't feel like the two are comparable, so in that case the feelings of guilt may be invalid as you say. We've talked about it, but not sure if its sitting with either of us
If you guys can talk about it without it blowing up, maybe set up a trial period?

One of my friends used to have all the free time he wanted between bed time and wake up time. We used to fish through the night, things like kick off at 9pm and wrap up at 2am. He would spend most of his time undoing tangles and loosing lures.
 

Rorschach

Paid $250 for this custom title
If you guys can talk about it without it blowing up, maybe set up a trial period?

One of my friends used to have all the free time he wanted between bed time and wake up time. We used to fish through the night, things like kick off at 9pm and wrap up at 2am. He would spend most of his time undoing tangles and loosing lures.
Once the kids are down we pretty much do that anyway, but once they're down we're both stuffed and just want to veg out til bedtime. The motivation to do anything when the first time you properly sit down is 8pm is low...
 

Cardy George

Piercing rural members since 1981
Once the kids are down we pretty much do that anyway, but once they're down we're both stuffed and just want to veg out til bedtime. The motivation to do anything when the first time you properly sit down is 8pm is low...
It does get better, they get more useful as they get older. My 14.5yo man-child is 6'2" and disproportionately strong for the thickness of his limbs. But you have to start that mindset early, my lot were packing their own school lunches from day 1. They still piss me off in their own special ways, but at least I can send them away and not have to still be involved.

Might be a little early to expect your No 2 to look after themselves tho.......
 
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