Black Dogs and mental shit in general

Rorschach

Didnt pay $250 for this custom title
Hey Rorschach, sounds like you are working through this and giving it a good shake. Working on ourselves is challenging. We can only do it at our own pace. Rock On!
Its really hard with how things are at the minute, but I'm trying.
Psych says I need to spend more time on self care, which I'm finding hardest. During the week, I get up, get dressed and go to work, come home and spend time with the kids and by the time they've gone to bed and I've done what I need to, it's 830 and I just want to crash.
Weekends I have Saturday morning until about 10am to do something then its swimming with the toddler, and the rest of the weekend is spending time with the family which I enjoy but it feels like a chore if its every weekend. My appearance is also taking a back seat as I can't get out to go shopping. I need some new jeans as I wore through my last pair and am wearing old stuff. Not that that really matters as I'm not exactly going out and seeing anyone outside of work or the wifes family.
 

Rorschach

Didnt pay $250 for this custom title
Bit of an update.
I went to see the doc a couple of weeks ago after discussing with my Psych and they've put me on a low dose SSRI.
After taking them since then, I've started to notice things are a bit sunnier, and my baseline mood is starting to come up. I'm less easy to wind up (which is good with a toddler), and a bit more positive about things. Still constantly shattered but finding that easier to deal with
Again, this might be a placebo but when I think about it, I can feel the corners of my mouth being more turned up at the corners and it feels a bit more natural to laugh. I've still got a bit of a resting bitch face (wife calls me out on it all the time), but hopefully that'll change too.
Apparently it's 4 weeks after taking them that they working properly but if the effect is how I'm feeling now I'll be happy - which is kinda the point.
Even re-reading my post above, that seems really negative to me now. Yes, all valid points but it isn't that bad.
 

Haakon

Keeps on digging
Bit of an update.
I went to see the doc a couple of weeks ago after discussing with my Psych and they've put me on a low dose SSRI.
After taking them since then, I've started to notice things are a bit sunnier, and my baseline mood is starting to come up. I'm less easy to wind up (which is good with a toddler), and a bit more positive about things. Still constantly shattered but finding that easier to deal with
Again, this might be a placebo but when I think about it, I can feel the corners of my mouth being more turned up at the corners and it feels a bit more natural to laugh. I've still got a bit of a resting bitch face (wife calls me out on it all the time), but hopefully that'll change too.
Apparently it's 4 weeks after taking them that they working properly but if the effect is how I'm feeling now I'll be happy - which is kinda the point.
Even re-reading my post above, that seems really negative to me now. Yes, all valid points but it isn't that bad.
Ive gone onto a low dose SSRI a couple of weeks ago, as the chronic pain was feeding very long term sleeping deprivation which was feeding chemical fuck ups which was feeding bloody annoying anxiety attacks at night which was feeding sleep deprivation etc etc etc......

It knocked out the anxiety which with some pain killers broke the cycle nicely. They do work..
 

Rorschach

Didnt pay $250 for this custom title
Ive gone onto a low dose SSRI a couple of weeks ago, as the chronic pain was feeding very long term sleeping deprivation which was feeding chemical fuck ups which was feeding bloody annoying anxiety attacks at night which was feeding sleep deprivation etc etc etc......

It knocked out the anxiety which with some pain killers broke the cycle nicely. They do work..
Yeah, I'm noticing they work too.
I'm a bit loath to attribute a change to anything until I've spent some time on them and its not a placebo effect but I only started noticing things a few days ago with things phasing me less and everything seeming a bit rosier, which points to it being the meds.
The anxiety is still there but seems more manageable and having a higher baseline mood is giving me more space to think through everything and takes longer to wind me up.
 

The Duckmeister

Has a juicy midrange
Not directly black dog related, but general mental shit, so here seems the best place.

The other night/early morning I had an unusually vivid and somewhat disturbing dream, so much that it left me a bit rattled for a few days.

It started with me being hired to sail some ocean race with Gladys Budderchicken. :oops: I can dismiss this chapter as a fucked-up flight of imagination, because there's no way in hell I'd sail with any pollie in real life! Anyway, the boat we were supposed to sail got wrecked while in the hands of a delivery crew, so we had to arrange another one, and sail it to wherever. There's probably some metaphor buried here, because she damn-near sunk us many times. Let's just say she'd better not consider sailing as a future career path..... After getting moored & sorted, I grabbed a stiff drink & began thinking of an escape from the inevitable mess that would have ensued. Out of the blue, a delivery driver found me, and here we enter Chapter Two and the bit that really fucked me up....

The package that the delivery bloke brought was a pair of wheels I'd built up for a bloke on another forum quite a few years ago, with the message that they weren't needed anymore because he'd taken his own life! (I'm not close with this guy, but we're farcebook friends from a cluster linking back to that old forum and bounce comments from time to time). Anyway, there was the escape from Budderchicken's ship of horrors, and the rest of the dream revolved around all the usual stuff you'd expect with that sort of situation. That really rattled me, it seemed so real that I had to check his page the next morning to make sure. Fortunately it's all hunky dory.

My head can be a weird place sometimes, but that has to be one of the weirdest and scariest journeys it's ever taken me on.
 

SlowManiac

Likes Bikes and Dirt
I am fortunately not prone to depression but the last 2 weeks have been shithouse.

I tore my meniscus 2 weeks ago and haven't been able to walk properly since. I am usually super active so this has been really fucking problematic. No running, riding, gym etc. I'm going to try swimming laps - that's how bad it is!
Seeing a surgeon next week but no private health so could be months...

And my wife broke her foot on the weekend and is even less mobile than I am so having to do all the cooking, cleaning, getting kid ready for school all while trying to work full time (thankfully desk jockey) and hobbling around like fucking Quasimodo.

Anyway - just wanted to rant - as you were.
 

Cardy George

Piercing rural members since 1981
I am fortunately not prone to depression but the last 2 weeks have been shithouse.

I tore my meniscus 2 weeks ago and haven't been able to walk properly since. I am usually super active so this has been really fucking problematic. No running, riding, gym etc. I'm going to try swimming laps - that's how bad it is!
Seeing a surgeon next week but no private health so could be months...

And my wife broke her foot on the weekend and is even less mobile than I am so having to do all the cooking, cleaning, getting kid ready for school all while trying to work full time (thankfully desk jockey) and hobbling around like fucking Quasimodo.

Anyway - just wanted to rant - as you were.
Rant away! That's a shit run of luck.
 

Rorschach

Didnt pay $250 for this custom title
Yeah, I'm noticing they work too.
I'm a bit loath to attribute a change to anything until I've spent some time on them and its not a placebo effect but I only started noticing things a few days ago with things phasing me less and everything seeming a bit rosier, which points to it being the meds.
The anxiety is still there but seems more manageable and having a higher baseline mood is giving me more space to think through everything and takes longer to wind me up.
While we're here.
I found the SSRIs worked for a bit and then my body kinda normalised to them to the point where I've been feeling unmotivated, lethargic and generally flat. I've given them 3 months but went back to my GP yesterday and go the dose increased from 10 to 20mg. Start on them at the weekend when my current packet runs out.
 

Minlak

custom titis
While we're here.
I found the SSRIs worked for a bit and then my body kinda normalised to them to the point where I've been feeling unmotivated, lethargic and generally flat. I've given them 3 months but went back to my GP yesterday and go the dose increased from 10 to 20mg. Start on them at the weekend when my current packet runs out.
The journey to finding the right dose and or the right product can be a longer one but worth it once its sorted. Just make sure you keep reporting back to your GP and if you have people close enough around you to mention that its time you go back you will get it all sorted.
 

Rorschach

Didnt pay $250 for this custom title
The journey to finding the right dose and or the right product can be a longer one but worth it once its sorted. Just make sure you keep reporting back to your GP and if you have people close enough around you to mention that its time you go back you will get it all sorted.
I'm still seeing the Psychologist and my referral takes me to the end of the year so will be back to see my GP early 2022, gives me a couple of cycles to evaluate. I'm hopeful as the lower dose worked pretty well for a few weeks
 

Rorschach

Didnt pay $250 for this custom title
Been a bit since I've posted in here, but worth an update
have another referral from my GP to continue with my Psychologist and I need it at the minute
While my increased SSRI dosage looks to be doing the trick, my anxiety has been coming back and has been exacerbated by the Christmas period. I had a shitty weekend where everything wound me up and I just wanted to curl up into a ball. The Mrs wanted to talk to me about it which I am grateful for, but she's very 'you need to do this' and that grates on me and just winds me up more. I think having a lot of social occasions with the kids is not helping either as I end up chasing after the eldest a lot of the time and he just runs off or I end up yelling him which makes me feel pretty embarrassed and makes things worse. Also getting more wound up at home, which I thought I was past.
Seeing the Psych tonight so will talk it through with her. Think I still need a release, and riding my bike first thing Saturday mornings isn't enough
 

cokeonspecialtwodollars

Fartes of Portingale
Just out of curiousity, but did you grow up with 90's grunge or 2000 emo music?
when you break it down,
-70's music - songs about the joy of being in love and disco dancing, drugs
-80's power ballards love and rock songs. Songs about respecting women and looking after them. early Metal. early techo synthesizers
early 90's - rock love songs, rap. metal. dance and trace techno
mid 90's grunge, songs about suicide, hating society, heavy reality rap. drugs. heavy techno.
early 2000's emo songs about suicide, hate, being different, outcasted. Hiphop. drugs.

We have been subconscious fed messages about the struggle of life and giving up on it through music we once thought it was cool at the time.
It may to have played some part in the development of our futures.
That is a rather interesting theory, I disagree somewhat with the bit about being fed and would counter that it was the mood of a sector of society at the time and we just resonated with it.
 

Ultra Lord

Hurts. Requires Money. And is nerdy.
^this.
90’s sucked, 2000’s sucked, 2010’s sucked and now 2020’s sucking harder than ever.
 

Stredda

Runs naked through virgin scrub
Just out of curiousity, but did you grow up with 90's grunge or 2000 emo music?
when you break it down,
-70's music - songs about the joy of being in love and disco dancing, drugs
-80's power ballards love and rock songs. Songs about respecting women and looking after them. early Metal. early techo synthesizers
early 90's - rock love songs, rap. metal. dance and trace techno
mid 90's grunge, songs about suicide, hating society, heavy reality rap. drugs. heavy techno.
early 2000's emo songs about suicide, hate, being different, outcasted. Hiphop. drugs.

We have been subconscious fed messages about the struggle of life and giving up on it through music we once thought it was cool at the time.
It may to have played some part in the development of our futures.
I think if you look you'll find depressing songs from any era, look at country music, it's always about their dog dying and wife leaving them and the hardships of the land and getting too personal with farm animals :D
 
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Rorschach

Didnt pay $250 for this custom title
Just out of curiousity, but did you grow up with 90's grunge or 2000 emo music?
when you break it down,
-70's music - songs about the joy of being in love and disco dancing, drugs
-80's power ballards love and rock songs. Songs about respecting women and looking after them. early Metal. early techo synthesizers
early 90's - rock love songs, rap. metal. dance and trace techno
mid 90's grunge, songs about suicide, hating society, heavy reality rap. drugs. heavy techno.
early 2000's emo songs about suicide, hate, being different, outcasted. Hiphop. drugs.

We have been subconscious fed messages about the struggle of life and giving up on it through music we once thought it was cool at the time.
It may to have played some part in the development of our futures.
I grew up with early 90s stuff like Queen and graduated to more guitar heavy stuff via Nu Metal (didn't we all) and House music so dunno
 
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